that's life: Mail malaise

LITTLE ROCK — I've become postally challenged these days.

I used to be the woman who sent her Christmas cards the day after Thanksgiving. (I had my own little competition to be first.)

Now I can't seem to get a card or letter mailed to save my life.

Oh, I buy cards. They sit on my kitchen counter for a while. Then I sign them. Sometimes find a stamp. And, occasionally, I bundle up, pack a snack and make that long walk the 50 feet from my front door to the mailbox. After a short rest, I put the flag up.

It's like one of those dreams where I'm walking in quicksand.

I cleaned out a basket of magazines the other day, and I found a graduation card with a Best Buy gift card in it.

It was for Jake, the son of my husband's best friend from high school.

It's only five months old. Oh, wait, that was a year ago. I still haven't sent it.

I have some perfectly good excuses for some of my mail deficiencies. A girl in the office had a birthday, and she loves Elvis and animal print. I missed her birthday, so I went on a multi-store hunt for the perfect card. Do you know how hard it is to find a belated Elvis card with a zebra on it?

And really, why does it matter when we get a birthday card? We'll all have a birthday sometime during the year. Wouldn't it be more of a surprise to get one in August for your December birthday?

I'm not the only one who has this problem, apparently.

I got a nice letter from a woman in Beebe for whom I'd done a business story. She enclosed the original letter she'd written - a year before.

It turns out she'd ask her husband to mail it, and he'd been using it as a bookmark.

Thank you, Rose. I've been meaning to write you back, but ... .

A former co-worker asked me if I'd received the thank-you she'd written me for a wedding present. When I finally reported a couple of weeks later that I'd gotten it, her eyes narrowed.

"He told me he'd mailed those," she said. Uh-oh.

Those husbands.

Sometimes it's the post office's fault. I know I mailed a retirement card to my mother when school started this year, the first time in 35 years she hadn't been in the classroom.

She never got the card.

Well, it had Snoopy sitting on his doghouse, typing, and it said, "How do you spell retirement?

F-U-N!"

There you go, Mom. Enjoy.

My niece Marianne had a birthday Monday. I didn't forget; I just was incapable of buying a card and mailing it, or even sending an e-card.

I know one thing - my husband and I are celebrating our 20th wedding anniversary on Wednesday.

I'd better get him a sweet card, considering everything he's put up with all these years.

There's hope.

I sent a friend a cute Halloween card the other day. It took a few weeks, but I replied to one of the sweetest pieces of fan mail I've ever received. (Hi, Terry!)

I also noticed Boss' Day is Oct. 16, and I already have a card purchased and signed, ready to put on her desk.

I may be slow, but I'm not stupid.