LITTLE ROCK — It's something of a lost art: giving a compliment and receiving one, graciously. Often, the giver may seem insincere or generic, while the recipient fumbles or mumbles a response or, worst of all, rejects the compliment outright.
"People are awful about taking compliments," says Michael Robbins, a motivational speaker and the author of Focus on the Good Stuff: The Power of Appreciation (Jossey-Bass/An, $19.95). "A lot of us are really critical of ourselves, and we have that little voice in our head that doesn't agree with it. Plus there's the concern that if you just accept it, or say thank you, you'll be perceived as arrogant."
Robbins has come up with some tips to make this particular social transaction easier for both parties.
How to give a great compliment:
Be genuine. Say what you mean, mean what you say, and speak from the heart.
Make it personal. Don't opt for the one-size-fits-all compliment. You have to know something about the person, their likes and dislikes, and their personality.
Be specific. Let people know exactly what they've done or what quality you appreciate and how that action or quality affects you in a positive way.
How to receive compliments effectively:
Breathe. Take a moment to pause and let in the compliment.
Say "thank you." Acknowledge the compliment and believe the person is telling you the truth (even if that little voice inside of you disagrees).
Shut your mouth. After you say "thank you," there is nothing else you have to say. Don't argue with the complimenter or throw a phony compliment right back at them, which is what we too often do: Just accept it and be quiet.
Instead of having a socially awkward moment that diminishes both participants, you'll both have made the world a slightly more civil place.
Family, Pages 40 on 10/24/2007