LITTLE ROCK — With the 2008 presidential election a year away, Republicans are running on empty. Polls show President Bush sinking to historic lows. Fewer than one-quarter of Americans (25 percent in a recent survey) approve of his performance. Most wouldn't mind if Bush would simply go away, provided he'd take that snarling misanthrope Dick Cheney with him.
Alas, it's not going to happen. Whether out of conviction, habit or fear of Bushcult primary voters, congressional Republicans march in lockstep behind the White House-keeping the Iraq war going and sustaining even Bush's veto of SCHIP children's health insurance, supported by 81 percent of Americans, according to a CBS poll.
Meanwhile, the GOP's presidential hopefuls look like they're auditioning for an AARP production of Snow White and the Seven Dorks, featuring Sen. Hillary Clinton as the princess, with New York Times columnist Maureen Dowd and the Wall Street Journal's Peggy Noonan competing for the role of wicked stepmother.
Do they even want the job? The latest Republican presidential debate was scheduled opposite Game 7 of the American League playoffs, NFL Sunday night football, and "Curb Your Enthusiasm." I doubt even people paid to watch it, watched it live.
Deservedly or not, Democrats, as the only other major party available, are wallowing in campaign money. According to NPR, Clinton has stashed $50 million in her presidential hope chest. That's more than three times the cash Rudy Giuliani has on hand.
Eager for White House access, many corporate donors are betting on Democrats. The Washington Post reports that even some major Bush contributors have defected to the other side. Barring a bidding war between the manufacturers of Cialis and Viagra, it appears the GOP nominee will have substantially less money to spend than the Democrat-unprecedented in the TV era.
Come to think of it, wouldn't Mr. and Mrs. Rudy Giuliani or Mr. and Mrs. Fred Thompson look terrific holding hands in those his n' hers outdoor bathtubs?
But I digress. If Republican officeholders have been behaving incoherently, the antics of the party's media propagandists reek of desperation. "[T]he mighty right-wing media machine," writes Eric Boehlert in his invaluable column for Media Matters, "is in the process of driving American conservatism right off a cliff. The loudmouths whom conservatives have supported for years, and whom Republican politicians have used for political gain, have become increasingly unhinged. And their recent public antics are drawing more and more disbelieving stares."
Ann Coulter's need to attract attention to herself and those slapdash concoctions she calls "books" approaches the pathological. Not contented with offending the Jewish host of a CNBC program by describing her ideal America as for Christians only, Jews having been "perfected" out of existence, Coulter "clarified" her remarks on Michael Medved's program.
So here's her apologia: "Jews don't accept the New Testament, so, you know, as long as we're playing this new sport of 'he who is offended first wins,' if anyone's going to be offended by anyone else's religion, the Jews believe that my savior, a Jew, was a raving lunatic, and you don't see me sniffling and crying."
Actually, crying about America's poor, oppressed majority is Coulter's whole act. I expect she'll eventually end up exhibiting herself at rural county fairs, possibly in the same tent with Goliath, the 5,000-pound steer.
Then there's Rush Limbaugh, the bombastic radio yakker with his vast audience of gullible souls with nothing better to do all afternoon than listen to a pompous braggart spout disinformation. Another crybaby, Limbaugh's not man enough to admit he shouldn't have used the term "phony soldiers" when someone in uniform disagreed with him about Iraq. It's supposedly the First Amendment they're fighting for.
So he posted a transcript of his supposed remarks on his Web site, played an edited tape on his radio program, according to Media Matters, and compared a wounded Iraq veteran who appeared in a TV ad criticizing him to a suicide bomber. Then GOP congressmen ran to his rescue and promptly sponsored legislation praising the blubbering faker's patriotism.
Don't believe me? Well, check outmediamatters.org, which obsessively documented the entire ludicrous affair.
But the real prize-winner has to be columnist and Fox News personality Michelle Malkin. Bush, see, vetoed a bill bringing private health insurance to 10 million kids allegedly because America can't afford the $35 billion cost. Then he demanded an additional $46 billion to pour into the Iraqi sinkhole, along with $150 billion already allocated this year.
Democrats let a 12-year-old boy named Graeme Frost deliver a radio address telling how SCHIP helped save his life after an auto accident grievously injured him and his sister. Malkin and a posse of rightwing bloggers did what Republicans always do: attacked the messenger, falsely characterizing his hardworking Baltimore family as wealthy freeloaders, and deriding the boy as a "human shield" for Democrats. Needless to say, Limbaugh also joined in the fun.
That's right, they smeared a braindamaged child. Any questions?
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Free-lance columnist Gene Lyons is a Little Rock author and recipient of the National Magazine Award.
Editorial, Pages 21 on 10/24/2007