SWEET TEA: Life on the cutting edge of nowhere

— A generation late, and a high-tech dollar short.

That's me.

I generally don't figure out how far behind I am until I make what I think is a cutting-edge purchase and someone points out I'm bringing up the rear.

We didn't, for instance, buy a videocasette player until 1988, but the price had dropped considerably by then.

One day I mentioned to the religion editor at the Denver Post a trend I had noticed at Christian book stores: They weren't selling vinyl records anymore, I informed her, only compact discs. That was in 1989. Virginia Culver pointed out that nobody sold vinyl records any more, and hadn't been selling them for some time.

We didn't buy a CD player until, oh, about 2000. They were, of course, cheap.

By 2002, the year I figured out JLo was an actress and not a rapper, she had made a fistful of movies and was the wealthiest Latin entertainer in the country.

I was a little quicker on the DVD uptake. We owned one of those players by 2001.

By the time I bought a minivideo camera in 2003, almost everything was digital, so the price was right.

Now I've moved into digital compass territory.

For nearly a decade, I drove a vehicle with a compass built in. But a red-light runner recently ruined that road runner, and the replacement, a Camry with 185,000 miles, was built before the invention of the compass. Any compass.

And I wanted one. I like to have a general idea of my direction in life.

On the Internet, I found that the Radio Shack in North Little Rock at Pike and Pershing had one. Only one.

Devin Stringfellow, who answered the phone, assured me it was in stock.

"Can you hold it for me?"

I could hear the polite amusement in her voice.

"I don't think anybody's going to want it," she said.

She knew something I didn't.

On Monday, Devin and her boss, store manager Teresa Griffin, explained that nobody wants digital car compasses anymore because everybody is buying global positioning system devices.

Radio Shack, in fact, has quit carrying digital compasses.

Your big-footed Luddite has purchased the last digital automobile compass in a Radio Shack store between the Atlantic and the Pacific.

If you live on one the coasts, you might find one of the 75 or so that remain in 15 stores, but call ahead before you make the trip.

Here's how you calibrate the compass:

Press and hold some buttons. When the letters "trn" flash on the screen, drive your car around in a complete circle. That pretty much describes my life, so I found this especially easy.

Laugh at this pathetic antediluvian if you will, but I'm laughing all the way to the bank. This digital compass originally sold for $29.99. I paid $9.97.

Life on the cutting edge may be a thrill, but I prefer my thrills cheap.

WHEN WE ASSUME:

Last week, quoting from an e-mail from "shanhog," I referred to the writer as a woman. Bad mistake. "Whoa whoa whoa there. She? I'm a he. That's worse than being called a Yankee. Ha ... That's OK. I'm flattered to be quoted. Most folks call me 'The ShanMan.' Best Regards. (MR.) S.C."

Arkansas, Pages 7 on 10/30/2007

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