OTUS THE HEAD CAT Moseyers, mosey-posers swamp reality show tryouts

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LITTLE ROCK — Dear Otus,

I arrived too late to get a number for yesterday’s [Nov. 7] tryouts for that new Fox reality show, So You Think You Can Mosey. I heard that the response was so great that they plan to hold more, including a “Sudden Death” feature to cull the wannabees. Do you know when these might be?

- Mort Subite Rogers

Dear Mort,

It was wholly a pleasure to hear from you and to wish you better luck at Sunday’s second round of tryouts. Get there early. Only 5,000 numbers will be handed out at each location.

FYI, the “Sudden Death” feature had to be canceled when an elderly contestant from Bella Vista took it literally.

But it is true that Fox producers were thrilled. They have again fanned out across the country to find 100 of the nation’s best moseyers to send to the semifinals in Branson before going on to the Hollywood Week finals.

Fox’s aim is to cash in on the national health craze of moseying, combine it with the pizazz of showbiz and produce a blockbuster reality show that will rival thecurrent popularity of such programs as Dancing With the Stars and So You Think You Can Dance.

The show is set to premiere in May following the ninth season of American Idol.

“The dancing competition shows are OK as far as they go,” Fox Entertainment spokesman Nan Deena said. “But they require some sort of athletic ability or natural talent that excludes 99 percent of the public. Walking is the most popular sport in America and our show hopes to be far more egalitarian.”

The winner of the So You Think You Can Mosey takes home $500,000, a fashion spread in Elle magazine, a management contract with Ford Models and a $100,000 contract to co-star as the sidekick in an “Are You Gellin’?” commercial campaign for Dr. Scholl’s foot pads. Thecampaign’s star will be Chad Brokaw, best known for playing Chad in the Alltel ads.

While it may be true that most people believe they can walk with the best of them, Deena says the producers are looking for contestants who stand out.

“True moseying is a lost art form in these hectic, fastpaced days,” Deena says. “We want folks who can inspire America to slow down, who can mosey walk with style, verve, panache and grace.”

Celebrity judges for the series will be J.J. “Good Times” Walker; Chuck Norris, star of Walker Texas Ranger; and (coming out of semiretirement) Clint Walker, 82, rugged star of TV’s most beloved Western, Cheyenne.

Host for the series will be Paul Walker, the young heartthrob star of the action films The Fast and the Furious, 2 Fast 2 Furious, Furious & Fast, Furiously Fast and Faster and Furiouser.

Tryout contestants are urged to wear creative costumes, Deena said, and not try to pass off similar walking styles as moseying, which Fox defines as “moving in a leisurely, relaxed way.”

Too many of last weekend’s contestants tried topass off sauntering as moseying, much to the amusement of the producers.

“We also had our share of wiseguys,” Deena noted, laughing. “They started out moseying, but ended up ambling. And some were very colorful as they sashayed, but they might only make the outtake or ‘worst of’ reel.”

Also quickly eliminated were contestants who strutted, swaggered, shuffled, strolled, promenaded, perambulated or performed anything resembling a moonwalk.

Here are Sunday’s tryout locations. The doors open at noon; the judging begins at 12:30.

Bud Walton Arena, Fayetteville; Verizon Arena, North Little Rock; Arkansas State University Convocation Center, Jonesboro; K. Johnson HPER Complex, Pine Bluff; Summit Arena, Hot Springs; Fort Smith Convention Center, Fort Smith; Reynolds Performance Hall, Conway; Riverside Park, Batesville; and The CaptainHenderson House, Arkadelphia.

Until next time, Kalaka reminds you that any jokes in the presence of Mr. Norris such as, “There is no theory of evolution, just a list of creatures Chuck Norris allows to live,” will get you instantly disqualified.

Disclaimer:

Fayetteville-born Otus the Head Cat’s award-winning column of humorous fabrication appears every Saturday. E-mail:

mstorey@arkansasonline.com

HomeStyle, Pages 38 on 11/14/2009