Smith's ode to those GIF dollars

Sen. Terry Smith, D-Hot Springs, read this poem to the Senate on Thursday. Smith was lamenting the loss of some General Improvement Fund dollars for local projects favored by legislators.

The poem refers to the Senate in 1997, led by Sens. Nick Wilson, D-Pocahontas, and Mike Beebe, D-Searcy, wrestling control of the General Improvement Fund from Gov. Mike Huckabee with the aid of other senators (Gordon, Bearden and other senators’ names appear). It closes with a reference to Beebe, now governor, wanting the Legislature to transfer some of their local project dollars to the state’s general budget.

The author?

“I came up with a bunch of it and had a little help cleaning it up,” Smith said, adding that the identities of his helpers are “secret.”

Twas sine die eve, and all under the dome,

Lawmakers resolved it was time to go home.

The bills had been voted, the calendar was bare

The chamber was empty, except for hot air.

The agencies' budgets were written and signed,

Not a spare extra penny could the bureaucrats find.

If you needed GIF funds you were plumb out of luck.

Those capital projects were controlled by Saint Huck.

In '97 Saint Huck wore the governor’s pants

He checked his list twice, to see who’d get the grants.

Of friends and supporters the governor had tons

Since Huckabee had millions in GIF funds.

But just before the president slammed down the gavel,

Saint Huck’s budget plans began to unravel.

The GIF formula came under much scrutiny,

Because all of the reindeers started a mutiny.

Nick of the Red Nose sent the word to his faction:

If they voted like him, they’d get a cut of the action

So Gordon and Bearden and Walker and Dowd

Joined Hopkins, Lewellen and Wilson and Todd.

The reindeer united to keep half for themselves

But in order to win — they needed the elves.

The elves wanted their cut — this would not be a freebie

That was the bargain demanded by Beebe

Chief of the elves, Beebe was leader of the pack.

And Morril, his lieutenant, would always watch his back

So with Bradford and Hardin, with Malone, Bell and Ross

The elves and the reindeers showed Huck who was boss.

They overrode vetoes, they tinkered with rules

They took over the toyshop; they kept half of the jewels.

Saint Huck squealed to high heaven, but to his pleas they were deaf

And since the 97 session they’ve controlled half the GIF,

That is until now, the historic fiscal session

When Beebe the king tried to corner the action.

He says he’ll give presents to good girls and boys

But in order to do so, he needs all the toys.

They’re executives now, the whole Beebe crew

Bradford and Morril, Fitch and Hoofman too

While legislators play in the new fallen snow

Till term limits dictate when it’s time for them to go.

So shovel your coal, throw your luggage on board

And tell folks back at home that their ox was gored.

It was sacrificed for Beebe — the best gov in the nation

And forget local projects, that train’s left the station.