LITTLE ROCK — Like Manhattan, we build our meals vertically because we have no more room to expand horizontally.
The newest offering from the chain formerly known as The International House of Pancakes is the limited edition “Pancake Stackers” ($7), four buttermilk pancakes stuffed with layers of thick cheesecake filling and topped with a choice of three fruit compotes and a generous obelisk of whipped cream.
Limited edition, you say? Yes, while the selection’s caloric impact is more like limit-less add-ition, your choice to Big Bang yourself into galactic significance ends June 20.
Here’s the skinny on these stackers - they’re not new, they’re not a particularly health conscious choice, and they’re delicious.
Midwestern chain Bob Evans has had a “cream stuffed” pancake stack for years. They too offer strawberry and blueberry toppings, but there are also caramel banana pecan cream stacked and stuffed pancakes.
IHOP’s so-called “crustless” cheesecake is something like Hostess Twinkie filling.
Bob Evans’ “cream” is a misappropriation of the dairy product - it’s icing. So it should come as no surprise that Bob Evans’ caramel banana pecan cream stacked and stuffed pancakes weigh in at 1,500 calories.
IHOP keeps its four-cake heap at 1,310 calories, 30 grams of fat and 2,840 milligrams of sodium. (Almost 3,000 milligrams of sodium! Eh, that’s little more than a few strips of bacon.) The half order yoked with eggs, hash browns and bacon, and branded a “combo” meal - in French this would be “un repas pour deux,” or “a meal for two” - is 1,250 calories. So against every surgeons general’s best advice, adding fried eggs, hash browns and bacon to the Stackers qualifies as the healthy choice.
Here’s the quotation from IHOP senior vice president for marketing, Carolyn O’Keefe.
“With our latest promotion, IHOP took the value we’re known for and topped it with one of America’sfavorite flavors - cheesecake.”
Great, the rest of the world will know we consider cheesecake a flavor.
“We’re pleased to offer guests a delicious new way to stack up the fun this spring as they celebrate moms, dads, grads, or just a simple escape from their every day.”
When we begin calling cheesecake a flavor, can’t we all agree that these meals are our everyday?
IHOP does make a lovely pancake. Thick but not cakey, moist and vanilla-flavored and sweet, but just so. These are last-meal pancakes. The kind you seek before setting out for the Appalachian Trail (that’s, for a walk), or to break a fast brought on by a stomach bug.
Get it? That’s (a) about to die, (b) to hike 2,000 miles, or (c) haven’t eaten in days.
IHOP has locations around Arkansas: ihop.com
Weekend, Pages 38 on 05/27/2010