FORCES OF NURTURE: Juggling job, kids deflates a mother

— Every mother I know has one of those days every once in a while.

No matter if you work inside or outside the home, you know what I’m talking about. The kind of fast-paced day where you can’t keep up with all of your obligations.

The kind that ends with some rattled version of yourself, a dizzy lump on a couch. Usually with a run in your stocking and a blinding headache.

I’ve been having those days more often than not lately.

And I know it’s entirely my fault. I commit to too much and double book my life to the point where I can’t do anything to the level that I want.

I set a harried pace that leaves me feeling inadequate as a mother, as a wife and as a worker.

Sometimes I can do it all. Juggling, multitasking - whatever you want to call it. Other times, I fail miserably.

The guilt that comes with the failure is painful. For me, it’s always focused on my kids.

Today, for instance, I raced out the door at 7:30 a.m. to cover a hearing that lasted three hours instead of the one hour it was expected to last. Benny was still in his crib asleep when I left.

Sophie gave me a sleepy goodbye as I hurried out the door.

I’m now writing a column that was due yesterday morning, so that I can write my story about the hearing before heading out to another assignment.

And while writing it, I’ve recalled three other things I should have done this morning. And I have a job I love.

I know I’m unusual and fortunate for that. Many, many mothers leave their sleeping babies to work jobs they don’t love out of complete necessity. Because they have to pay for groceries and the electricity bill.

I have a job for those reasons, too. But my work is fulfilling. I know I’m lucky to have it.

But I won’t see my kids until after dark. I’ll have two hourswith them today and that will be spent feeding and bathing them.

I’ll be so wracked with guilt that I won’t sleep well. And then I’ll be the same dizzy mess tomorrow.

I brought this on myself because I had a day off yesterday. I know that doesn’t make sense. It was a rare day all to myself. A day when I should have rebooted. Rested.

Instead, I did all the other stuff I can’t do during a workday. I returned phonecalls and e-mails that could have waited.

I went to the grocery store, bought birthday gifts for parties my daughter will attend this weekend, baked a cake and slow-cooked beef stew for my husband’s birthday.

I wrapped gifts and decorated the cake with festive cherries so that my husband would have a special night. Because, you know, men really care about stuff like that.

In an effort to be everything for everyone I offered only a fraction of myself to the people I care about the most. And I paid little attention to caring for myself. I forgot to eat lunch.

Most moms I know always put themselves last.

So what’s the solution?

I don’t know. But here’s what I’m thinking.

I’m going to end every day by making a list of the things I need to do the next day. That way, these tasks won’t be floating through my head when I should besleeping.

I’m going to take a hard look at that list and see what tasks aren’t essential and what things I can ask my husband to do. I will force myself to ask for help even though it is against my nature.

And then, I’m going to try my best to focus on the moment. If I’m with my daughter, I want to be with my daughter. Make the moments count. Force myself to stop doing four things at once.

Unless someone has a better idea. I’d love suggestions. Send me an e-mail. Because no matter how busy I am, I always seem to make time for my smart phone.

Cindy Murphy is a reporter for the Arkansas Democrat-Gazette. Sheand her husband live in Little Rock with their 4-year-old daughter and almost 2-year-old son. Her blog, Mom on a Wire, is at LittleRock-Mamas.com. E-mail her at

cmurphy@LittleRockMamas.com

Family, Pages 33 on 11/24/2010

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