The greatest gift

LITTLE ROCK — What is it with parents that they never want anything for Christmas?

“What would you like Santa Claus to bring you?”

“Nothing.”

“Aw, c’mon, Dad/Mom. Nothing? Surely you want something. Is there anything you maybe need?”

“I can’t think of thing.”

“A shirt/blouse, aftershave/cologne, socks/pantyhose?”

“I don’t want you spending your money on me! I’d rather you get yourself something nice. Here, let me give you some money . . . .”

This was the ritual in my family, and probably in yours, too. It popped up every year around Thanksgiving and it used to drive me up the wall.

My parents were working folks and didn’t have a lot of money when I was growing up, so in later years, when we had this familiar exchange, I put it down to a frugal outlook born of years of conditioning and cast about for my own gift ideas.

For weeks before the big day, I would scan catalogs, interrogate relatives and walk aimlessly up and down department store aisles looking for the perfect present. Another flannel shirt? A new perfume?

How much of either does anyone need? Besides, I’d bought those last year.

My ideas weren’t always original, but every once in awhile some novelty would hit the stores and the dilemma would be solved. Cameras, foot massagers, hand warmers, portable window defrosters, fancy flashlights with emergency blinkers and built-in radios, you name it, I bought it.

Only to hear in the end, “Oh, you shouldn’t have done that! Why do you spend your hard-earned money on me?”

The funny thing is that it didn’t matter how much or how little I’d spent, the reaction was always the same: an admonition and a grin that could be seen from here to the West Coast.

Daughters and sons live in the material world, as do husbands and wives. But parents don’t. Not the parents with whom I’ve been acquainted, anyway. To them, it really is the thought that counts. Just the thought. Just the fact that you cared enough to do something for them.

Whether those occasions be religious or secular in nature, every culture has observances during which presents are bestowed on parents. I’d be willing to bet that “You shouldn’thave” exists in some form in every language in the world.

Silly parents. Of course we should have! Children do such things for themselves, for the warm, fuzzy feeling they get when Mama or Daddy tears off the wrappings and oohs and aahs over the contents as though they were Fort Knox in a box. Hand-print plaques or microwave ovens, it’s all the same to parents.

That’s why gifts you give are so much better than gifts you get.

I have delighted in much desired knickknacks and extravagant surprises, even clapped my hands and cried out with pleasure, but I’ve only ever

felt that special warmth in the pit of my stomach except when giving to those I love.

That said, there are presents, and then there are gifts. One comes from a catalog or a store or a checkbook. The other comes straight from the heart.

It’s not the cost or the size but the worth of the action taken or the effort made. I can’t tell you the number of times I’ve thanked God that I made that lemon icebox pie Daddy wanted, because it’s things like this that can haunt you forever if you don’t follow through.

How was I to know it would be my last gift to him, and the pleasure he took in it his last gift to me?

Well, not really. There was the pen and pencil set that arrived in the mail after he died, one of several stocking stuffers he had intended to give me for Christmas.

But I think you know what I mean about presents and gifts.

Of course, the greatest gift of all is love, and I wish a healthy dollop of it for each of you in this season of thanksgiving.

“What would you like for Christmas?” the child asked.

“I can’t think of a thing,” the parent replied. “I have everything I need.” “Well, what would you like if you could have anything in the world you want?” “I can’t think of a thing. I have everything I want.” -

Associate Editor Meredith Oakley is editor of the Voices page. An earlier version of today’s column ran on Nov. 28, 2004.