DEAR ABBY Wife’s back-seat anxiety drives him to distraction

— DEAR ABBY: My wife is a back-seat driver who seems to get more anxious every time we go anywhere together. She tells me to slow down, which lights to watch, which lane I should be in, which cars are braking, which ones are speeding, where the semitrucks are if she thinks they’re getting too close, and how to drive in various weather conditions. She’ll move her foot to an imaginary brake on the passenger side, squirm in her seat and hang onto the handle above the passenger door while I’m doing my best to concentrate on my driving. It’s very distracting.

My wife is not willing to drive when we’re going somewhere, although I have offered to let her. She also refuses to sit back and relax because she can’t control another person’s driving. If I ignore her, she becomes irritated and says I’m not paying attention to her concerns. I have never had a serious accident and have had none in the past 15 years. What can I do about this?

- Driven Crazy in Wisconsin

DEAR DRIVEN: For openers, slow down! When a passenger hangs onto the handle above the door, slams on an imaginary brake and scrunches back in the passenger seat, it means you’re approaching the car ahead of you too fast.

Next, make clear to your wife before you pull out ofthe driveway that what she has been doing is distracting to the point that instead of averting an accident, she could very well cause one - so it’s important she leave the driving to the driver. If she is still uncomfortable, she should either sit in the back seat or the two of you should drive separately.

DEAR ABBY: I have four granddaughters ranging in age from 8 months to 9 years. What can we do to help them become confident, self-assured women?

- Grandma Linda in Shelby, Ala ..

DEAR GRANDMA LINDA: Spend time with them, listen to them, and let them know you love them and they are important to you.

DEAR ABBY: I am the mother of the groom. My husband and I are hosting the wedding rehearsal dinner. The bride’s mother informed me that she is going to have a slide show of the bride and groom’s baby pictures at the dinner.

What do you think of this practice? I thought she should have at least asked my permission. I did tell her I was not a fan of the idea because I was at a wedding reception where it was done and the comments from the guests were not complimentary.

- Tasteful Mom in New York

DEAR TASTEFUL MOM: I think showing the bride and groom’s baby pictures at the rehearsal dinner would be rather sweet. I’m sure they will elicit many “Awws” and “Weren’t they cute!” And the guests will be limited to the bridal party and out-of-town guests, a smaller crowd than would attend the wedding reception.

Because your in-law-to-be won’t be able to get her hands on photos of your son without your cooperation, select some you like and share them. If you don’t, it will cause hard feelings. And yes, she should have asked permission. Chalk up the fact that she didn’t to her excitement and a desire to contribute.

Dear Abby is written by Jeanne Phillips and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Write Dear Abby at

DearAbby.com

or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, Calif. 90069.

High Profile, Pages 50 on 11/28/2010

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