LITTLE ROCK — Dear Otus,
Am I the only one who suspects something fishy is going on with all the coyote sightings up near Camp Robinson?
- Ellie Mentry, Sherwood
Dear Ellie,
It was wholly a pleasure to hear from you and a further, even more ingenuous, pleasure to reassure you that you are not the only one.
I’ve received 186 e-mails similar to yours since the news first broke about the terror roaming the streets of North Little Rock’s Amboy-Levy neighborhood just south of Camp Robinson.
It has become evident that the super-secret blackops experiments being conducted behind the closely guarded gates of Camp Robinson have gotten out of hand.
Sure, it was easy to ignore the early reports of wild savage coyotes living in Little Rock’s Murray Park and attacking pets in nearby wealthy Hillcrest. That was almost a decade ago.
Then it was easy to dismiss as the wild imaginings of pampered socialites that coyotes were stalking the manicured grounds of Pleasant Valley Country Club. That was this past April.
But it hits close to home when drooling, ocher-eyed coyotes are spotted trotting down the sidewalks of North Little Rock’s Camp Robinson Road and attacking defenseless poodles in broad daylight.
This happened in the city’s so-called “Devil’s Triangle.” This is the area bounded by Camp Robinson to the north, MacArthur and Military drives to the west and Camp Robinson Road to the east.
Queer and unfathomable things - inexplicable things - happen in this part of town.
It hasn’t escaped the notice of Mayor Pat Hays that the neighborhood is due south of Camp Robinson - the sprawling, 33,000-acre facility that is home to the Arkansas National Guardand assorted other military units. But it’s the “dark” part near the center of the camp that has citizens concerned.
If you doubt me, just attempt to view the section of the camp 4.2 miles northwest of the Gibson community on Google Earth.The picture is digitized by government order. It’s fuzzy. Details are not permitted.
This would correspond to the 31 acres ceded to the Department of Defense in 1950 just as the Cold War heated up in Korea.
Area old-timers speak ofhelping dig a vast underground complex beneath the wooded hills - an installation that is now used for unfathomable military experiments.
It’s rumored that it was at Camp Robinson that scientists perfected the genetically altered salmon that failed as a weapon, but is now coming to the marketplace as AquAdvantage. The fish growth hormone causes salmon to grow twice as fast as normal.
Observers believe it was at Camp Robinson that the military developed the marine hunter/killer hybrid creature known as the sharktopus. Designed to interdict drug runners, the monster was recently featured in an original Syfy Network film.
Now we have genetically altered coyotes. Fearless, cunning, capable of hunting and bringing down prey twice its size, it’s believed the coyotes were being bred to be air-dropped into the cave-infested region along the border of Pakistan and Afghanistan to root out Osama bin Laden and other al-Qaida leaders.
Evidently, an unknown number of the creatures have escaped their enclosure andare roaming North Little Rock streets unfettered.
The Defense Department, not unexpectedly, refuses to comment since this is a matter of national security.
North Little Rock has hired an unnamed “trapper” to capture the coyotes and “relocate” them. So far, only one young female has been caught.
Rumor has it that the anonymous trapper is none other than the National Geographic Channel’s famed “dog whisperer,” Cesar Millan. Millan and his film crew were spotted last Saturday eating chicken chimichangas at Senor Tequila on Camp Robinson Road, not far from the latest coyote sighting.
As added proof, Coyote Whisperer is set to debut midseason on NGC.
Until next time, Kalaka reminds you not to approach Millan or a coyote on your own, but report the sighting to the proper authorities.
Disclaimer: Fayetteville-born Otus the Head Cat’s award-winning column of humorous fabrication appears every Saturday. E-mail:
HomeStyle, Pages 38 on 09/25/2010