The least we can do

LITTLE ROCK — WHEN THE troopers come in after a patrol in rural Afghanistan, the least the rest of us back home could do is make sure they’re comfortable in the barracks.

Isn’t that why we send them care packages full of baby wipes, cookies, books, candy and batteries for their music players? That’s why they’re given time on their computers to link up with folks back home-via email, some social network site, or even real time video conferencing. (If you could call explaining to your 3-year-old why you shouldn’t bite cats “conferencing.”) Long gone are the days when lines of homesick soldiers formed every Sunday night at the brigade’s allotment of pay phones.

While we salute those who are trying to make the MREs more palatable, they’re still MREs-which stands for either Meals Rarely Eaten or Materials Resembling Edibles. The troops still joke about the menu, trading chicken à la death for the cheese spread with crackers, Candy Item III for Candy Item I, or a Dairyshake that’s sat in the Afghan sun for 3 weeks for the potato cheddar soup that can be heated with the enclosed chemical packet.

So let ’em have a burger, y’all.

Dispatches from the war say the new command sergeant major in Afghanistan has reversed the ban on fast food on bases in-country. Marvin Hill, the new top non-com Over There, told Stars and Stripes last week that Burger King and KFC would be welcomed back, stat.

“For troops to be able to go and grab a burger or a piece of chicken or whatever, I don’t really think it’s that bad,” Sgt. Major Hill said. Sounds kind of good to us.

The ban on the real food was put in place by General Stanley McChrystal last winter. He said the concessions took up space on bases and in supply lines. Leave it to a non-com to know better. Everybody knows they really run the Army when it comes down from high strategy to basic necessity. Like eats. Sometimes the brass just gets it wrong, and that’s one of the many reasons why the Army has non-commissioned officers: to look out for the troopers.

No, giving the folks in uniform access to the occasional Burger King special isn’t going to assure that our side wins this war. The right mission, the right leadership, and the right policies will do that. But having a few fast-food restaurants tucked away inside protected bases isn’t going to do anything but improve the lives of those who are doing the day-to-day fighting, sometimes night to night.

Only a small comfort? Yes. But so is an email from home. And nobody wants to do away with email.

Let the grunts have a cheeseburger, for gosh sakes. With extra tomatoes and a side of fries, too. It’s the least we can do.

LET’S NOT pretend that fries and onion rings are healthy. Most know that this country would be in much better shape, literally, if we avoided the dollar menus and ate the occasional salad. But there’s a good, health-related reason to allow the burger and chicken joints back onto our bases in Afghanistan.

Moms and dads back here in the states do worry when they get pictures of their troopers after they’ve been deployed for a month or two. One of the most common reactions: Lord, look at how much weight he’s lost!

Weight loss might be a problem you’d like to have, Dear Reader. But for a soldier or Marine in this war, weight loss might not be a good thing. Walking in 120-degree heat hour after hour takes calories. Carrying a machine gun while doing it takes even more calories.Now strap on all the protective armor, water, first-aid kit, more water, ammo and even more water and take a walk around the block . . . . Now you’re talking major calorie loss.

Give the GIs a shot at a vanilla shake (a real one, not the MRE kind) and a No. 4 washtub full of fries, and maybe they’ll keep the weight on a bit longer.

Trust us, a double hamburger with all the fixin’s sure beats chicken à la death and cheese spread.