LITTLE ROCK — Every year there is a cliche pop culture Halloween costume.
In 2007, it was Paris Hilton in prison. In 2008, it was Sarah Palin. In 2009, it was Kate Gosselin and company. In 2010, Jersey Shorestyle Bumpits and bogus tans were The Situation.
This year we predict it will be tiger’s blood-swilling high priest Vatican warlock assassins in “Winning!” T-shirts a la Charlie Sheen.
But we at Spin Cycle think we can do better. Oh, wait, Halloween is on a Monday this year and we’d miss Dancing With the Stars. Well, we think we’ll be eating Mr. Goodbars with show judge Len Goodman. But we think you can do better.
Here are some other ideas.
What you need: A beak. And a sour expression.
Who you are:
Angry Birds. (Extra credit: Holler “Give me back my eggs, you evil green pig!” at everyone and steal their candy.)
What you need: $999,900
Who you are: The idiot who bid the ridiculous sum for a homemade latex Casey Anthony mask on eBay. That person should really make like Anthony and go into hiding.
What you need: Sunglasses with a $25,000 price tag hanging off. Yes, like with a $25. And then three zeros after that.
Who you are: The newest cast member of the Real Housewives of Beverly Hills. (Extra credit: Wave them in front of everyone’s face and remind them, “My sunglasses cost $25,000!) Next year update the same costume with a “foreclosure” sign.
What you need: To consume lots of candy.
Who you are: A supposedly curvier Duchess of Cambridge Kate Middleton who, according to reports, is gaining weight to get “baby ready.” Wait, so she was a skinny 6 and now she’s a still skinny 8 (in European sizes, smaller than ours)? Forget the candy. Consume a little lettuce and water.
What you need: To not brush your teeth and to not show up at the party.
Who you are: You are actress Lindsay Lohan avoiding your community service and your weekly therapy sessions (and clearly not because of dental appointments — check out recent photos of stained teeth), and therefore violating the terms of your probation and possibly heading back to jail.
What you need: Bride and groom outfits. Then keep bickering and keep your back turned to each other at all times.
Who you are: The joyous couple of Kim Kardashian and What’s His Name, whose two-part E! wedding special had more trash-talk than a WWE Smackdown event.
What you need: Bride and groom outfits. A lot of black and white makeup. Fire to spit and blood to drip from face.
Who you are: KISS front man Gene Simmons, who recently married his girlfriend Shannon Tweed — after 28 years and two children together.
What you need: A pair of cat ears and no date.
Who you are: Cougar Demi Moore, now that she and 15-years-younger husband Ashton Kutcher are rumored to be splitting after he allegedly cheated on her. Growl! With a younger woman. Hiss! On the day of their wedding anniversary. Roar!
Gimme some Moore e-mail:
jchristman@arkansasonline.com
Spin Cycle is a weekly smirk at pop culture and a weekly segment on Little Rock’s KURBFM, B98.5 at 7 a.m. Thursdays. Listen live and hear podcasts at b98.com.
Style, Pages 55 on 10/23/2011