LITTLE ROCK — Chris Harrison introduces an extraordinary installment of the ABC “reality” dating show he hosts: “Welcome to a very special episode” of The Bachelorette!
It’s so special because one of the couples that met on the love you-forever-and-ever-or-at-least until-the-reunion show actually still like each other! They are actually going through with the engagement they promised at the season finale.
This couple are Ashley Hebert and J.P. Rosenbaum. And this is The Bachelorette: Ashley and J.P.’s Wedding, which aired Dec. 16.
Surely you remember Ashley (who was rejected by Season 15 Bachelor Brad ... who ended up giving his final rose to Emily ... who then broke up with Brad ... and then starred on Season 8 of The Bachelorette ... and gave her final rose to Jef ... and then broke up with him)?
Ashley starred on Season 7 of The Bachelorette. It was an obvious case of televised love at first sight between Ashley and J.P.
Well, obvious to everyone except Ashley’s sister Chrystie, who disapproved of the relationship, calling J.P. too old, causing her sister to cry on network TV. (They seem to have made up. Ashley even chose a bridesmaids dress that complemented Chrystie’s tattoos.)
And except to second-place finisher Ben, who got down on one knee and proposed to Ashley before she broke his heart (which he mended, starring on Season 16 of The Bachelor ... and gave his final rose to Courtney ... before the two broke up ... and she began dating Arie ... the guy Emily dumped on The Bachelorette).
Now, a year and a half later, Ashley and J.P. are exchanging their vows in an ABC-funded television event with promotional consideration provided by a Pasadena hotel. I mean, in holy matrimony.
Before the preparations and ceremony get under way, Harri-son says, “This show is and always will be dedicated to helping people find meaningful, lifelong relationships. And I think The Bachelor has been very successful at that.”
He’s got so much optimism.
Or such low standards.
In 24 Bachelor/Bachelorette installments, only two other couples besides Ashley and J.P. have made it to the altar: Trista and Ryan (The Bachelorette, Season 1) and Jason and Molly (The Bachelor, Season 13). (Although the second almost didn’t happen. Jason had proposed to another woman - Melissa - on the show before dumping her for Molly.)
During Sunday’s two-hour special, we see Ashley and J.P. picking out the dress (for the bride and for the couple’s rat-dog, Boo). We realize with some relief upon seeing Ashley’s close-fitting mermaid style gown that this will be no runaway bride scenario here. Because she can barely walk in it.
“J.P. will love it,” J.P.’s mom says about the Randi Rahm $70,000 dress and $75,000 train. “He will be so overcome.” Because he doesn’t have to pay for it. Same for the Neil Lane wedding bands, flowers, cake and food they select.
The couple also must pick an officiant. They go with host Harrison. But before he agrees to do it he has questions fo rthem, clarifying, “I want to make sure you two are really committed to what marriage means.” Um, does Harrison himself know? He announced earlier this year that he and his wife of 18 years were divorcing. Harrison has since been linked romantically to Pattie Mallette. That name won’t ring a bell, but “Justin Bieber’s mom” will. We don’t notice her or her famous son in the audience shots.
But we do notice Bachelorette Ali (dumped by Bachelor Jake), who has since split with her show fiance, Roberto.
And we do notice Bachelorette Jillian (dumped by Bachelor Jason), who has since split with her show fiance, Ed.
And we are reintroduced to Sean (dumped by Bachelorette Emily), who will be the next Bachelor trying to find love on dates in helicopters and hot tubs, beginning Jan. 7. Only we don’t recognize him with clothes covering his abs.
Back to Ashley and J.P. - they marry and they kiss. They and their loved ones dance and party long into the night.
Or at least until ABC is finished filming and closes the open bar and guests have to pay for their final roses (the wine, not the flower) and things aren’t so rosy.
Happily ever e-mail: jchristman@arkansasonline.com Spin Cycle is a weekly smirk at pop culture and a weekly segment on Little Rock’s KURB-FM, B98.5, at 7 a.m.Thursdays. Listen live and hear podcasts at b98.com.
Style, Pages 49 on 12/23/2012