LITTLE ROCK — “It’s the most dramatic television event of the summer, when Emily’s journey to find love comes to an incredibly emotional end.”
That’s the breathless hyperbolic summary provided by the ABC publicity department about tonight’s Bachelorette finale.
Twenty-three suitors have been rejected and tonight’s the night we find out if 26-year-old single mother Emily Maynard picks Arie Luyendyk Jr. or Jef Holm.
Or neither.
There’s a precedent for leaving both finalists empty handed. In many ways, it’s far more honest since the track record is woeful for those who end the finale engaged in TV fabricated bliss.
How’s Emily leaning? Is her Mr. Right the 30-year-old Dutch race car driver Arie, or 27-year-old Utah entrepreneur Jef?
Both guys, along with heartthrob Sean Lowe, traveled with Emily to the exotic Caribbean island of Curacao on the last dating episode (“The Men Tell All” aired last Monday) for fantasy dates, smooching and the possibility of an all-nighter sleepover if she played the Fantasy Suite card.
Responsible mom that she is, Emily eschewed the Fantasy Suite card for all three, but did manage to force a reticent Sean to finally confess his undying love for her after a long, languid day of snorkeling and smooching.
Emily and Jef spent their day on a boat and paddle surfing and cliff-jumping and pondering Jef’s place in a life that included Emily’s daughter.
Emily and Arie swam with the dolphins and told each other how hot they were for each other.
The main accomplishment of the episode was that Emily now had all three on record as saying they loved her. That accomplished, Emily kicked Sean to the curb.
Ouch. Dude was blindsided.
In an ABC teaser about tonight’s episode, Emily confesses to host Chris Harrison, “I’m so confused, I don’t know where my heart is anymore.”
The drama goes down at 7 p.m., followed at 8 by a live hour, The Bachelorette: After the Final Rose.
By now, all America - yes,all America - knows Emily’s tragic, tragic tale and has fallen in love with her.
In 2004 19-year-old Emily was engaged to NASCAR driver Ricky Hendrick when he died in a plane crash. Five days later, Emily found out she was pregnant.
Little Ricki was born in 2005 and single mom Emily has been left to seek true love on national television ever since.
She thought she had found it when she captured the heart of Brad Womack on Season15 of The Bachelor. Brad proposed. Emily accepted and they went off to live happily ever after.
Then, dang it. It all fell apart as it has in almost every other instance in the history of Bachelor/Bachelorette. Emily was left to go on The Bachelorette and “hope that the third time is the charm.”
A choice. If you don’t feel like getting all mushy at 7 p.m. today, there is a choice - Teen Choice 2012 debuts at that hour on Fox. The two-hour special, hosted by Demi Lovato and Glee’s Kevin McHale (he plays Artie, the guy in the wheelchair), will air live and feature performances by Justin Bieber, Carly Rae Jepsen, Flo Rida, No Doubt and DJ Pauly D, who will serve as “Choice” DJ for the night.
Showing up for “other scheduled appearances” will be Troian Bellisario, Ashley Benson, Miley Cyrus, Zooey Deschanel, Ellen DeGeneres, Jason Derulo, Zac Efron, Selena Gomez, Lucy Hale, Josh Hutcherson, Victoria Justice, Laura and Vanessa Marano, Bridgit Mendler, Lea Michele, Shay Mitchell, Tyler Posey, Gordon Ramsay, Dax Shepard, Sophia Grace and Rosie, Jordin Sparks and Taylor Swift.
The list includes four cast members from Pretty Little Liars. How little are they? Between the four of them you’ll get maybe two regular-size girls.
Also, if you can’t identify each and every one of these people, you are too old for the party.
The teen awards were voted on by, well, teens ages 14 through 19, and feature the categories of music, film, television, sports, fashion, comedy and the Internet.
A howler. Speaking of squealing teenage girls, MTV has renewed Teen Wolf for a 24-episode third season. That’s twice the normal order. The series airs at 9 p.m. Monday.
What’s it about? MTV says, “Teen Wolf is a sexy, suspenseful drama about transformation set against the backdrop of contemporary teen life, with a forbidden, romantic love story at its core.”
Sounds almost artsy, doesn’t it?
The TV Column appears Sunday, Tuesday and Thursday. E-mail: mstorey@arkansasonline.com
Style, Pages 46 on 07/22/2012