LITTLE ROCK — Dear Otus,
I don’t know if you’re a parent or not, but my 15-year-old daughter, Kaitlin, is beside herself because all her friends have a signature fragrance and I won’t allow her to get one. Honestly, I don’t see what the big deal is.
- Mauvaise Mere Fort Smith
Dear Mauvaise,
It was wholly a pleasure to hear from you and a further pleasure to be able to admonish you before you do irreparable psychological damage to your child at this most crucial time in her personal development.
Of course your daughter needs a signature fragrance.
All her friends already have one. Do you want Kaitlin to be a social pariah?
And, since you asked, I never became a parent. I was, as are all head cats now and for centuries past, neutered at the age of 6 months and two days and turned my thoughts from the base, material, corporeal and mundane to the Greater Good as charged by Kalaka.
But that’s me.
Kaitlin has suffered long enough from your myopic, misguided parental denial.
Get that girl a signature fragrance before it’s too late.
There are any number of suitable teen role models with signature fragrances. They include Beyonce (Heat); Faith Hill and Tim McGraw (Soul2Soul); and Jennifer Lopez (Love & Light).
Paris Hilton has eight signature fragrances and Britney Spears has 11! Even baseball jock Derek Jeter has one named Driven (it sold $27 million last year).
I’m certain all the cool kids in Kaitlin’s circle use one of the more popular young scents. They include Taylor Swift (Wonderstruck); Rihanna (Re’l Fluer); Jessica Simpson (Fancy); and Katy Perry, who has two - Meow and Purr.
Viva by Avon is Fergie’s third signature fragrance and Kim Kardashian’s new personal scent is called Glam. It succeeds her other two, Gold and Love.
But the best reason for Kaitlin to pick a perfume is that America’s sweethearts, Justin Bieber and Selena Gomez each have their own fragrances.
Justin’s is called Girlfriend Eau de Parfum Spray and goes for a most reasonable $59 for 3.4 ounces. Add his Girlfriend Touchable Body Lotion (6.8 ounces) for $25 and the Justin Bieber Someday Fragranced Hair Mist (4.2 ounces) for only $20.
Ask your parents (or grandparents) how it was back in the day when Annette teamed with Frankie. They were the Hollywood dream couple then and remind me of the undying love between Justin and Selena.
Selena just turned 20 last week and has come out with her own signature fragrance. It’s called ... Selena Gomez. I think “Eponymous” would have been a better name.
Her publicity claims it’s “the scented embodiment of the star herself: fresh and sweet with warmth from within.”
Fresh and sweet? That’s why the perfume commercial shows a sultry, pouty-lipped Selena with bedroom eyes emerging all wet and sensuous from a pool of water in a plunging, barely there strapless gown. There are a couple of lingering slo-mo shots of her twirling thighs to drive home the fresh and sweet message.
The scent? The fragrance has “top notes of raspberry, peach, and pineapple. It begins as a fruity bouquet that slowly blends into heart notes of purple freesia, musk and dewberry, before transforming into a delectable treat with rich base notes of chocolate, vanilla and amber.” Vanilla and amber. That’s exactly what I was thinking about as I watched the commercial.
Justin’s new fragrance, hot on the heels of his phenomenally successful Someday line, is described as “flirty, personal and inviting.” If Kaitlin picks Justin’s Girlfriend, it will “draw you in with an exciting splash of crisp mandarin and juicy blackberry. From there, things heat up with exotic floral notes of pink freesia and star jasmine, before striking a flame in your heart with warm vanilla orchid and sultry musk.”
If that doesn’t work, Kaitlin can always brew up her own signature fragrance as I did in 1987 by taking an ounce of jojoba oil, mixing in 2 ounces of vodka and 2 tablespoons of distilled water.
To that add 25 drops of essential oils for the base, middle and top notes - patchouli, vetiver and lichen, neroli and ylang-ylang, and bergamot and vanilla (with a dash of cassia for a bridge).
I call it ... Kalaka (pronounced kuh-LOCK-uh). Only $19.95 per 2 ounces online. Shipping extra.
Until next time, Kalaka reminds you that Otus’ signature fragrance is also good for litter box odor control.
Disclaimer
Fayetteville-born Otus the Head Cat’s award-winning column of humorous fabrication appears every Saturday. E-mail:
HomeStyle, Pages 34 on 07/28/2012