LITTLE ROCK — Seriously. How desperate do you have to be for summer TV “entertainment” to waste an hour of your time with Fox’s new “celebrity” dating game The Choice?
The blatant rip-off of the formula for NBC’s The Voice, debuts at 8 p.m. today. Do yourself a favor and go re- arrange your sock drawer instead.
If you’re determined to check it out, here’s the scoop on the latest twist on The Dating Game (kids, ask Meemaw).
Each episode, filmed in front of an audience, begins with four of “the world’s most eligible bachelors” sitting in rotating chairs just like The Voice.
Instead of singing contestants, they’ll hear the purring siren calls of hot babes cooing about their assets and attributes.
With their backs turned, the dudes are unable to see the ladies.
This is the Blind Round. Each guy can only use the women’s voices as they share information about their life, passions, turn-ons and turnoffs.
When the celebrity likes what he hears, he pulls his “love handle” (yes, that’s what Fox calls it), spinning his chair around so he can see his potential date.
If more than one celebrity pulls a love handle, they’ll battle it out for her affection until the woman gets to pick (as Fox puts it) “whose dating pool she wants to swim in.”
Fox actually has the temerity to claim the C-list celebs are “competing to find true love.”
The long-suffering Cat Deeley (So You Think You Can Dance) has been saddled with hosting duties.
Once each bachelor has three potential ladies lined up, the teams enter the “Speed Choice” round, where each woman has only seconds to convince the guy to take her to the final round.
In the final round, “love is on the line” when Deeley poses a challenge question to each of the team’s final two.
The celebrities then make the choice between their two ladies, “whisking one away on a dream date and leaving one in no man’s land.”
One episode will feature “some of the world’s most famous bachelorettes” in the hot seats.
Here are Fox’s actual words: “These coveted women will make not only their chairs, but their suitors’ heads spin when the men realize this is a date of a lifetime.” No kidding. Someone got paid good money to write that. Who, pray tell, are the hunky celebrity bachelors looking for love? Here’s the list: Tyson Beckford (male model); Jeremy Bloom (former skier and NFL football player); Dean Cain (actor); Mike Catherwood (radio personality); Jason Cook (soap opera star); DJ Pauly D (Jersey Shore graduate); Rocco Dispirito (chef/restaurateur); Rob Gronkowski (NFL star); and Taylor Hicks (former American Idol winner).
Also in the lineup are Joe Jonas (professional Jonas Brother); Rob Kardashian (seriously, nobody knows); Steven Lopez (Olympic tae kwon do champ); Finesse Mitchell (stand-up comic); and Dr. Robert Nettles (nose doctor).
Rounding out the guys are Romeo (singer/actor); Warren Sapp (NFL star); Mike “The Situation” Sorrentino (Jersey Shore grad); Ndamukong Suh (NFL star); Seth Wesott (Olympic snowboarder); Parker Young (actor).
The four bachelorettes are models, pageant winners or actresses. It doesn’t really matter: Hope Dworaczyk, Carmen Electra, Rima Fakih and Sophie Monk.
There’s more. The only way to waste more time tonight is to watch Take Me Out at 7 p.m. on Fox just before The Choice.
It’s yet another dating game. Hosted by George Lopez, this one involves 30 women eyeballin’ some dude and voting to keep or reject him.
Then he gets his turn to cull the chick herd. There’s a date somehow waiting at the end.
As Lopez says in a note to TV writers, “There’s a drinking game in here somewhere.”
Why are these shows on in the summer? They’re dirt cheap to produce and some folks will watch anything.
Setting records. The recent three-day Hatfields & McCoys miniseries on the History Channel was the top nonsports or news program ever on ad-supported cable.
A total of 14.3 million (!) viewers watched the last episode — a stunning accomplishment.
Program note. The Western Hannah’s Law comes to Hallmark Movie Channel at 7 p.m. Saturday. The drama stars Sara Canning, Danny Glover, Kimberly Elise, Billy Zane, Greyston Holt, John Pyper-Ferguson and Ryan Kennedy.
The TV Column appears Sunday, Tuesday and Thursday. E-mail:
mstorey@arkansasonline.com
Weekend, Pages 30 on 06/07/2012