HEART & SOUL

Flexible attitude buoys the spirit

— There are so many ways to make a positive difference in the world. Find one. Be selfless. Do something that challenges you. Be polite. Choose your mentors wisely. Be humble. Work hard. Keep learning.

If I were asked to give a graduation speech, that would be the gist of it. In other words, the overall theme would be resilience. After tracking that elusive strength for years, I’m still trying to figure it out. But I know enough to share the high points, and for a graduation speech that’s all you’ve got time for.

Somewhere in my speech, I’d also share that I didn’t used to be resilient and now I am. That some people have more resilience than others at different ages in their lives, that resilience can be learned, and that there’s a genetic component involved. But even with all this information, resilience remains elusive to me because of one essential detail - luck.

You see, I’m not convinced that resilience is completely up to the individual. In hindsight, it’s clear that many of my attempts to become resilient were actually efforts to mimic what I thought strong people did. Funny thing, this mimicking got me through some tough times, and the lesson I learned is when it comes to resilience, fake it till you make it is pretty good advice.

And that’s the part where adults really matter, because to emulate resilience it helps to know what it looks like. And the best way to know what it looks like is to see it. The graduate’s job is to take the initiative and seek out mentors, successful people of good character. The adult’s job is to show up and demonstrate what character looks like. And that’s where luck comes in, because there are kids who have this kind of adult in their lives and there are kids who don’t.

What graduates need to know is that there will be hard times and their mainjob is to get through those challenges and come out the other side stronger, wiser and more resilient. They’ll have to put up with difficult, unpleasant people. They’ll face challenges and disappointments that seem crushing. They’ll make mistakes because we all do. Somehow, they’ll get throughthese setbacks and keep going. That’s resilience.

To be fair, most adults I know are pretty overwhelmed with their own challenges these days. Just because you get older doesn’t mean it all gets easy. Even so, if you ask for an opportunity to help, it will show up. In the biggest possible scheme of things, it’s the moments when you show someone you care that can make all the difference. Justone timely intervention, one kind and supportive word, one helping hand can change a life.

Maybe it’s a phone call to make sure they’ve heard about a part-time job, or an hour of time spent explaining how to fill out a job application, or a story over lunch about how you made mistakes and picked yourself up again - all those can change a life. And it’s the lucky graduates whohave that support and that example to follow who are more likely to be resilient.

We can all benefit from good advice, but graduates have a whole lot of it coming at them right now. In a few weeks, or months, or even years, however, it’s going to be awfully quiet out there. That’s when they’ll need support, good advice, some life skills. For young people who don’t have a strong parent advocate, the key to resilience may be the chance to learn from those who are willing to give of themselves. Some will be lucky enough to have that, and some won’t. If you get a chance to share your strengths and tip the odds in even one young person’s favor, don’t hesitate. It really can make all the difference.

Write to Jennifer Hansen at Arkansas Democrat-Gazette, P.O. Box 7, Springdale, Ark. 72765.E-mail her at:

jhansen@arkansasonline.com

Family, Pages 40 on 05/23/2012

Upcoming Events