MONEY MANNERS

LITTLE ROCK — DEAR JEANNE AND LEONARD:

A restaurant claims I owe more than $400 for a meal I had there two years ago. According to the letter, the credit-card system wasn’t working that night, so they took my card number but failed to charge the card. They enclosed a copy of my driver’s license, a copy of my now-expired MasterCard and a very faint copy of a charge slip for $400 with an illegible signature. Am I obligated to pay this bill? It has been years, I don’t remember this happening, and even if I did eat there, how do I know I didn’t pay the bill in cash at the time?

• A.S.

DEAR A.S .:

Why would you have let the restaurant make a copy of your driver’s license and credit card if you were paying with cash?

Sorry, but even if there’sa statute of limitations that applies to these charges, we don’t see how you can in good conscience ignore the restaurant’s request for payment. Not that you need to rush. Take your time, and double-check your checkbook registers and old creditcard statements to be certain you haven’t paid the charges already. But do give this establishment a chance to prove that the debt is yours - perhaps with a clearer copy of that charge slip.

DEAR JEANNE AND LEONARD:

When she died, my motherin-law left her house to my husband and his two brothers, and also made them the co-executors of her estate. It has been two years sinceher death, and the house still hasn’t been put up for sale. The problem is that “Charlie,” the brother who lives in Texas, is mad because “Doug,” the brother who moved into Mom’s house in Ohio, hasn’t been paying any rent (he does pay the insurance, property taxes and utilities). Charlie also says that Doug has sold some of the things in the house and kept the money. My husband just wants to get all of this over with. He and Doug are ready to sign a contract with a Realtor, but Charlie isn’t returning their calls. Should we try to remove him as an executor?

• Linda L.,

DEAR LINDA:

Not yet. Because it sounds to us as though Charlie may be right - not in refusing to respond to you, but in his assessment of Doug. Why should Doug get to live in the house rentfree for two years? And what was he doing selling itemsfrom the home and pocketing the proceeds?

We understand why, after two years, you and your husband are anxious to sell the house. But that doesn’t mean you should ally yourselves with Doug. If an executor needs to be removed to get the estate settled, perhaps you have your eye on the wrong one.

DEAR JEANNE AND LEONARD:

How should we explain to two of our grandchildren that we can’t afford to attend their gymnastics meets? We’re senior citizens living on a fixed income.

We enjoy going to our seven grandchildren’s many activities, where admission usually is free or inexpensive. But not gymnastics. Admission can be as much as $20 per person, and we can’t afford it.

• Lucy,

DEAR LUCY:

Perhaps the would-be gymnasts couldtake up stamp collecting instead.

Seriously, the best way to tell anyone, child or adult, that you can’t afford something is to be brief, direct and unapologetic. In this case, you might say to your grandchildren: “We wish your gymnastics events cost less to attend, because we’d love to see you compete. But there are lots of other things we can do together, and we still want to hear all about what happened at the meets.”

Be sure to explain your absence to their parents, as well. You wouldn’t want them to mistake your budget constraints for lack of interest in their offspring’s adventures on the parallel bars.

Jeanne Fleming and Leonard Schwarz are the authors of Isn’t It Their Turn to Pick Up the Check? Dealing With All of the Trickiest Money Problems Between Family and Friends. (Free Press, 2008). E-mail them at

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