Don’t hold grudge about unreturned wedding gifts

LITTLE ROCK — DEAR ABBY: A friend’s daughter was married several years ago. I attended the shower and her wedding, and gave gifts for both.

Two months after the wedding, I received a thank-you note in which a form letter was enclosed that read, “By the way, we are now separated and getting a divorce”! I was shocked not only by the news, but even more that my gifts were not returned with the divorce announcement.

This young lady is now being married again to a different man. If I attend the shower/wedding, am I obligated to give her another set of gifts? Or should I skip the shower and go to the wedding without giving another gift?What is proper in this case?

• Confused

DEAR CONFUSED: The rule of etiquette regarding disposition of wedding gifts when a couple divorces after a short time is that any unused items (preferably in their original packaging) go back to the givers. However, to return cookware, linens, china, glassware, etc., that have been used is impractical, so please don’t hold a grudge.

If you decide to attend the shower and/or wedding for your friend’s daughter, it is customary to give a gift.

DEAR ABBY: I recently began a new job, and although I love what I do, I have only one problem. My boss, “Harold,” does not like eating lunch by himself. Every day, he asks me what I’m doing for lunch. If I say I brought my lunch, he wants me to eat it in his office with him. If I tell him I’m going out, he wants us to go out together.

I don’t think he’s attracted to me; I just think he hates being alone. He’s entirely too clingy, and I feel my lunch break is supposed to be a time to do whatever I want to do.

I don’t believe the last lady who worked for him had a problem with this, but I do. How do I tell him “no” without offending him or hurting his feelings?

• Lunch Buddy

DEAR LUNCH BUDDY: Tell your boss politely but firmly that you need your lunch hour to perform personal tasks - go shopping, make personal phone calls or catch up on some reading. You are entitled to that break time, and that is what it should be used for.

DEAR READERS: Today is Veterans Day, and I would like to take this opportunity to thank not only our veterans, but also those men and women who are still on active duty for their service to our country.

• Abby

Dear Abby is written by Jeanne Phillips and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Write Dear Abby at

www.DearAbby.com

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