MONEY MANNERS

LITTLE ROCK — DEAR JEANNE AND LEONARD:

My wife and I bought a house for her parents to rent from us. We leased it to them for 25 percent less than the going rate and for 30 percent less than what it costs us to own it. Unfortunately, my in-laws turned out to be difficult, demanding tenants. Just for example, they took it upon themselves to order carpeting for the entire house, and billed it to us. Long story short, when we objected to their behavior, they trashed the house and moved out in a huff. Then, when we reminded them that they were obligated to pay rent for the remaining months on their lease, they threatened to reveal to everyone in our small community an embarrassing, 30-year-old skeleton in my closet.

My wife thinks we should forget about the money and just cut off contact with her parents (she’s furious, too). But I don’t want to give in to their blackmail. I want to tell our kids about my past, then sue my in-laws for the lost rent and all the damage they did to the house. Should our neighbors learn of my youthful mistake, so be it. What do you think we ought to do?

— Fuming

DEAR FUMING: Boy, did you draw the short straw when it comes to in-laws. Who are these people, Ma and Pa Barker?

You could report their vandalism and attempted blackmail to the police, but you probably don’t want to do that to your children’s grandparents. However, when it comes to suing this spectacularly unappreciative couple for the money they owe you, we say go for it. To give in to their blackmail would be to reward what amounts to criminal behavior. And, practically speaking, if you fail to stand up to them now, what’s to keep your in-laws from threatening to reveal your secret the next time it serves their purpose?

We wouldn’t blame you, of course, if you got cold feet. Still, you shouldn’t discount the possibility that your wife’s parents may have realized by now what they’re risking if they follow through on their threat, namely: their daughter’s love and respect, access to their grandchildren and another shot at your and your wife’s generosity and financial resources. Who knows? Sue them and they might even decide to pay you what they owe.

DEAR JEANNE AND LEONARD:

Ever since my friend “Lindsey” had kids, she has been very demanding. I’m the godmother of her second child, and she expects me to baby-sit all the time, to give presents to both kids for every occasion, no matter how minor, and to be over at their house more than I am at my own. When does this stop? I feel guilty about feeling resentful, but, frankly, there are other things I’d like to do with my money and my time.

— Trapped

DEAR TRAPPED: Lindsey apparently doesn’t know the difference between a godmother and a fairy godmother.

As understandably giddy as your friend may be about being a mother, and as genuinely eager as she may be to remain close to you, her demands are completely unreasonable.

When will they stop, you ask? When you start refusing to do things you don’t want to do. In the future when Lindsey gives you an assignment, tell her you have other plans, tell her you think you’re coming down with the flu or tell her you can’t leave your new puppy alone in the house — tell her, that is, whatever face-saving reason it takes to get her to back off. The same goes for all those minor giftgiving occasions. Be busy or be sick, and don’t send a gift. It may take her a while, but ultimately Lindsey will figure out that you are no longer at her beck and call — and no longer her personal Toys “R” Us.

Jeanne Fleming and Leonard Schwarz are the authors of Isn’t It Their Turn to Pick Up the Check? Dealing With All of the Trickiest Money Problems Between Family and Friends. (Free Press, 2008). E-mail them at

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