Fishy smell still around the Marlins
Bloomberg News columnist Jonathan Mahler believes he knows who the worst owner in sports is.
“Now that the 2013 baseball season is under way, let’s take a moment to commemorate the first anniversary of one of the biggest shakedowns in the history of the game - and the con artist who pulled it off: Jeffrey Loria,” Mahler writes.
“One year ago, the owner of the Miami Marlins relaunched his franchise with a cast of new stars, a colorful new manager, a cable-TV reality show and - most notably - a shiny new taxpayer funded stadium, which Loria liked to describe as an homage to Richard Meier and Joan Miro.
“Where are the Marlins today?
The stars are all gone, unloaded in an off season fire sale to the Toronto Blue Jays. So, too, is the manager, Ozzie Guillen, who survived some impolitic comments but not his team’s 69-victory season. Even Showtime has moved on to bigger fish.
“All that remains is Marlins Park, its undulating white surfaces, mechanized Red Grooms sculpture and tropical aquariums now mocking the residents of Miami-Dade County who paid $500 million for its construction.”
No big splash
Brad Dickson of the Omaha (Neb.) World-Herald apparently has been keeping tabs on an ABC reality TV show that pits celebrities in a diving competition.
“Ndamukong Suh has been eliminated from Splash. The scary thing for the Detroit Lions is this means they go into next season with a defensive lineman who lost an athletic competition to Louie Anderson.”
“It’s not so much that he was bad. Producers just wearied of having to refill the pool after every Suh dive.”
Innocent camels
Well, at least Chris Bosh had a good birthday party.
The Miami Heat star celebrated Wednesday with a Morocco themed party complete with two live camels - Henri and Jacob.
His 29th birthday party occurred at a bayside Miami nightspot, with Bosh and his wife, Adrienne, arriving via helicopter and a yacht.
They were greeted by the camels at the door. His birthday cake was a jewel-festooned chocolate elephant ridden by a miniature Bosh figure. And the entertainment included belly dancers and fire eaters.
So what went wrong? While Bosh was partying in his Saharan garb, thieves made off with about $340,000 in jewelry, including last year’s NBA championship ring, from the player’s nearby home, Miami Beach police said.
Police spokesman Bobby Hernandez said they believe it was “an inside job,” but thankfully Henri and Jacob have an alibi.
For openers …
In honor of Major League Baseball’s opening week, here are a few signs “your baseball team isn’t ready for the season” from the Late Show with David Letterman:
“Your cleanup hitter has asked to work from home.”
“Your first baseman is so fat, he’s also your second baseman.”
“Most of your players believe the uniform buttons in the back.”
“Already planning your October vacations.”
“Opening day giveaway is a letter of apology from the general manager.”
“You’re the New York Mets.”
In his youth
Ye Wocheng became the youngest player to qualify for a European Tour when he secured a spot in the China Open last month at 12.
Ye told The Associated Press: “I’ve dreamed of this since I was a boy.”
Quote of the day
“It would have been really cold out, and [today] will be opening day for us in a sense and it’ll be 70-plus degrees and beautiful.” Arkansas Travelers General Manager Paul Allen on the decision to postpone Thursday’s season opener, forcing a doubleheader today
Sports, Pages 18 on 04/05/2013