Christmastime tipping about showing gratitude

WEST PALM BEACH, Fla. - With all the shopping and bopping around to parties and events this time of year, don’t forget a tradition that still lives.

That would be tipping. Although optional, it’s what generous and proper people do.

ARRGG! More money to shell out? Wrong attitude! It’s about showing appreciation.

Lizzie Post, 31, great-great-granddaughter of Emily Post, says holiday tipping isn’t dead. It’s “holiday thanking.”

The late Emily Post published her first book on etiquette in 1922. It became the authoritative source for everything from how to address wedding invitations to how to set the dinner table.

Tipping is an end-of-year cash gratuity to a service provider such as your condo doorman, hairdresser, newspaper delivery person, cleaning lady, personal trainer, massage therapist, baby sitter or dog groomer to thank them for their consistent and outstanding service, Post says.

Professionals such as teachers should not be tipped and doing so could be perceived as inappropriate. They should be given a gift instead.

The rule of thumb about how much to give the hairdresser, pool cleaner, handyman and other service people is an amount equal to one session or one week’s worth of service.

For example, a baby sitter should be given a holiday tip equal to one evening’s pay and a small gift from your children, Post says.

Mail carriers working for the U.S. Postal Service may not accept cash gifts, checks or gift cards. Postal rules allow them to accept small gifts worth less than $20 or snacks.

Even more interesting than tipping etiquette, which is filled with do’s and don’ts, is the fact the Post family has parlayed its famous ancestor’s expertise into an ongoing enterprise known as the Emily Post Institute, headquartered in Burlington, Vt.

In addition to keeping Emily Post’s book alive (now in its 18th and modernized edition), the family has a website - emilypost.com - that provides lots of information about how to do things in a correct and mannerly way and, thus, build better relationships.

We like this guidance: “This holiday, whether it’s family or a stranger, meet rudeness with patience and kindness. You’ll feel better, and you might even change the other person’s mood.”

“The Emily Post Institute is a way to pass the business down. There are seven of us working here. Six are family members. We are authors and spokespeople. We act as a social barometer for America and American etiquette as trends and customs change in America. We start to figure out, OK, how are people affected by these?” Lizzie Post says.

“When cellphones first came out, it was a whole new thing we have to navigate. As with social media, we had to figure out the rules,” Post says.

Her great-great-grandmother was very practical, Post says, and her advice was not just for the upper-crust of society who employed maids, butlers and cooks. It was also for those who muddled through without such help.

So we asked Lizzie Post a practical question. How do you tip the lawn service when it’s a crew of several workers?

“A gift is acceptable. Some people choose to send it to the headquarters, the same place as the bill. Others take a day and spend it giving out the tips,” she says.

“You might do a gift they could all share that is within your budget. You want to say thank you.”

If you can’t hand out money to everyone, that’s also acceptable. A plate of cookies or box of candy is a nice gesture.

The bottom line is, don’t feel obligated to go beyond your budget.

To see the complete list of recommendations, go to emilypost.com.

Here are some things Post says to consider when making decisions about tips:

If your budget does not allow for tips, consider homemade gifts; and if you’re not good with crafts or in the kitchen, remember that words are always a great way to express your thanks for a year of good service.

Any gift or tip should always be accompanied by a short handwritten note of appreciation.

Do you already tip regularly? If you tip at the time of service, you may forgo an end-of-the-year tip, or give a more modest holiday thank you. You may also choose to give a small gift instead.

The quality and frequency of the service you receive.

Your relationship with the service provider.

Location: Tipping averages tend to be higher in larger cities.

Length of service: The number of years you’ve been using the service.

Type of establishment: Is it deluxe or moderate?

When in doubt, ask: Call the front desk and ask what is 1) accepted by the company, and 2) typical for what they see from other customers.

Style, Pages 34 on 12/24/2013

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