He’s no Joe Biden

“BILL CLINTON is a tone-deaf politician who doesn’t understand the average American,” said nobody ever.

The former president of the United States, former governor of Arkansas, and current resident of New York is touring the world. He could pop up anywhere. The other day he gave a speech at Georgetown University in which he commented on the ongoing debate about immigration in this country. Then a news item had him speaking at the U.S. Holocaust Memorial Museum in Washington. And ABC News quoted Mr. Clinton talking about an NBA player who came out as a homosexual. And that was all within a few hours.

The man seems to be getting as much news coverage today as when he was president. Except maybe when he was really in trouble. Then the news was all-Clinton all-the time. Which is never a good sign for a president. Or a country.

It would be safe to say that William Ubiquitous Clinton, like many politicians, enjoys the limelight. And former presidents get to bask in it more than your run-of-the-mill pols. Which figures. The usual celebrity was never commander-in-chief of the armed forces and the country’s No. 1 policymaker foreign and domestic.

Also, there aren’t that many ex-presidents of the United States still with us-only four of them. The press, and maybe even the public, is interested in what they’re thinking. Just because the Bushes are a tight-lipped clan doesn’t mean everybody is. What does Jimmy Carter think of (name your favorite topic here)? Some people are actually interested, and we in the business and obsession called journalism aim to please.

EARLIER this week, Bill Clinton gave his opinion about guns, gun control and self-protection. And what did he allow? You’d do well to own a shotgun!

Aha! He’s channeling his inner Joe Biden, right? Remember what Joe Biden said about protecting yourself earlier this year? The current vice president and most inept of advice-givers gave his critics the usual surplus of ammunition. He seems to do that regularly. And what a doozy this piece of Bideniana was:

“If you wanna protect yourself, get a double-barreled shotgun, have the shells, a 12-gauge shotgun, and I promise you, as I told my wife, we live in an area that’s wooded and somewhat secluded, said, ‘Jill, if there’s ever a problem, just walk out on the balcony here-walk out and put that double-barreled shotgun and fire two blasts outside the house, I promise you whoever’s coming in is not gonna-’ You don’t need an AR-15. It’s harder to aim. It’s harder to use. And in fact you don’t need 30 rounds to protect yourself. Buy a shotgun. Buy a shotgun.”

His critics and maybe everybody else had a field day with those comments. As if the Second Amendment to the Constitution of the United States weren’t ample enough guidance when it comes to describing American citizens’ right to protect themselves, we needed to hear from ol’ Joe, who could be anybody’s loudmouthed neighbor who’s got more opinions than sense. The Second Amendment is not only more concise than Mr. Biden’s gun tips but a good deal simpler and more sensible. It’s as succinct as our current vice president is verbose.

THIS TIME the country got to hear from Bill Clinton on the same subject. And what did he have to say? Did he agree with Joe Biden? Let him tell you himself as quoted in his speech at Georgetown:

“First of all, you got to realize, for the legitimate differences-let’s say over gun control-basically, it’s an urban-rural deal. There are some people you can’t reach. But if you live in a city and you think you need protection in your home, you’re way better off with a shotgun than an assault weapon. Trust me. It’s not even close.”

So there you have it. Bill Clinton is as bad as Joe Biden on this subject.

Except . . . .

He’s probably right.

Yes, let’s hope none of us ever have to decide whether to use the shotgun or the rifle we have at home. But if somebody were trying to break down the door, that familiar sheck-shick sound of a shotgun shell being chambered ought to be enough to scare off any bad guys rational enough to value their skins. And if the person outside isn’t rational? Well, shotgun pellets aren’t going to fly a mile away and hit an innocent bystander in a park two neighborhoods down.

WE’D LIKE to think Joe Biden may have meant pretty much what Bill Clinton said, but his logorrhea got in the way, drowning anything simple and sensible he might have up there in his left hemisphere in a whole sea of wordiness and self regard. The problem is he’s Joe Biden. He’s going to mess things up when he goes off-script.

Bill Clinton excels at going off-script. And the former Arkansan knows how to express his thoughts-most of them, anyway-without wandering off into ridiculousness. Bill Clinton is the type who can tell you, yeah, buy a shotgun-but without giving you detailed instructions on how to use it in the worst way. Like firing it off from your balcony.

That’s the difference between saying what needs to be said and going off, yes, half-cocked.

That’s the difference between being Bill Clinton and being Joe Biden.

Here’s an idea: Maybe the White House could ask No. 42 to follow the Veep around and throw his voice when Joe Biden is asked to speak. Call it an experiment in simultaneous translation-from Bidenese to common sense. Sure, lots would be lost in the translation. Which would make it much better than the original.