Dear Readers: Fourscore and seven years ago … no, that’s not right.
Drop the fourscore and stick with the seven. That’s how long this column has been inflicted on the public. And the public apparently enjoys self-flagellation, because people keep sending in questions. We keep giving answers, some of which are almost right.
Let’s take a trip into the memory hole and find some of the very best questions asked over the past seven years.
Oh Powerful Pope of Potholes: How does the Arkansas Highway and Transportation Department decide where to put deer crossing signs? Is it based on reported sightings, accidents or redneck lore? - Hot Springs Redneck
Yes. Seriously, folks, the placement of deer crossing signs is based on repeated sightings by local residents.
If that’s redneck lore, self proclaimed redneck, so be it.
Also, the terrain.
Vegetation right up to the highway indicates the potential for deer.
Also, and logically, Highway Department supervisors around the state know the places where deer most often collide with vehicles.
Dear Mahatma: Is it legal to drive a vehicle with bare feet?
- High Heels
Dear Heels: As was noted at the time of original publication, we don’t make up these questions. We’re not that clever.
As for the answer, it came from the Arkansas State Police. What’s most important is the safe operation of the vehicle, no matter what the footwear.
(Being dull, we personally prefer penny loafers.)
Nothing in the statutes mentions footwear, but if a driver is operating a vehicle in an unsafe manner, the cretin may be pulled over and ticketed for careless and prohibited driving.
Dear Mahatma: I have attached a photo of a motorcycle passenger. As you can see, the female passenger has about 6 inches of butt-crack exposure. Is there a law?
- Cracked-up in Little Rock
Dear Cracked: You may remember that our answer was twofold. First, Arkansas Code 5-14-112, “Indecent Exposure,” says the offense may be committed when the exposer of sex organs“knows the conduct is likely to cause affront or alarm.” Second, Arkansas Code 27-51-104, the all-purpose “Careless and Prohibited Driving.”
Dear Mahatma: How was the column named?
- Nearly a Million People
Dear Nearly: This column was hatched in the fecund mind of Griffin Smith, our former executive director. Right - it’s his fault.
Many newspapers have traffic columns. We had one in the Northwest Arkansas edition, written by Rob Smith, since departed. The column was titled Gridlock Guru. Something similar to guru was desired, leading to this conversation:
Smith: Want to write a traffic column?
Us: OK.
Smith: We need a name.
Something like guru.
Us: How about Drivetime Mahatma?
Smith: Great. Check the big dictionary and make sure the 17th definition of mahatma isn’t “pervert.”
Our deepest thanks to everyone who has contributed to this seven year conversation. Onward, my friends.
Arkansas, Pages 9 on 04/05/2014