Dear Otus,
What the h-e-double hockey sticks are they thinking over there with the Travelers’ new mascots? I can understand a horse, but a possum? Why not just make it roadkill and be done with it?
- William Terry, Little Rock
Dear William,
It was wholly a pleasure to hear from you and to have the opportunity to calm things down.
To quote the King James Version of Hezekiah 8:22, “Behold, verily I cry out of wrong, but I am not heard. I cry aloud.”
That plea for compassion must surely be in the heart of Otey the swamp possum today. At least I assume so, because the poor little fella fled into hiding Thursday.
I can’t really blame him after the vicious, knee-jerk, reactionary, antagonistic, snarky, anti-marsupial backlash that followed the Travelers’ big mascot reveal last week.
In what was intended to be the continued convivial rollout of a spiffy new “re-branded” Arkansas Travelers, General Manager Paul Allen unveiled the team’s two new mascots designed to replace the aging Shelly the horse, who was put out to pasture last season.
Ace the horse and Otey the swamp possum were introduced at Dickey-Stephens Park at a special VIP luncheon of hot dogs and popcorn and other ballpark fare. A dozen children were on hand from Miss Wilma’s School for the Gifted and Precocious in Sherwood.
Ace apparently was a hit. However, all but two of the kids ran screaming from the room when the rather horrifying Otey came loping in.
Here are the mascots’ back stories as provided on the Travelers’ website.
Ace is a native Arkansan who proudly served his country (it didn’t say how, but he’s wearing some sort of military jacket) and wowed the judges at the Travelers mascot tryout.
He’s 7-foot-2, weighs 501pounds and has a size 36 hoof. He enjoys grazing on the park’s outfield.
Otey is from southeast Arkansas and Ace’s best friend. He grew up watching Travs games with his family from underneath the stands at Little Rock’s Ray Winder Field.
Otey stands “a stout 5 feet tall,” is barefoot and in overalls fastened on one shoulder. For some unknown reason, he wears a red derby not found in the swamp.
Initially the idea was for just one mascot, but once the Travs’ advertising agency saw Otey, they thought they had a rare opportunity for a publicity bonanza. Lions and tigers and bears may be mascot staples, but it’s the unique mascots that sell the ball caps and bobbleheads and bring in the families with young kids.
Examples? The mascot of the Northwest Arkansas Naturals is Strike the Sasquatch. Why Bigfoot? Kids love him.
The Atlanta Braves’ mascot is not an Indian warrior, but Homer, a dude with a giant baseball for a head. The New York Mets’ Mr. Met is almost identical.
The Arizona Diamondbacks’ mascot is not a rattlesnake, but Baxter the Bobcat. The Red Sox have Wally the Green Monster. The White Sox have Southpaw, some sort of fuzzy green Muppet thing. Cincinnati has Gapper, a large red critter with a blue nose.
The Cleveland Indians’ mascot is not an Indian, but Slider, a fuzzy purple creature. The Colorado Rockies’ mascot is Dinger, a purple triceratops. The Astros have Junction Jack, a rabbit. The Oakland Athletics have Stomper, an elephant.
The list goes on, but let’s end with the Philadelphia Phillies. Instead of the logical filly, the team employs the Phillie Phanatic, a furry, neon green, pear-shaped biped from the Galapagos (what?) with an extendable tongue from his beak. Bird? Mammal? Nobody knows.
Given all that, a swamp possum makes as much sense for the Travelers as anything else. Allen said he could recall pulling dead possums from underneath the bleachers at Ray Winder, and the occasional possum still haunts Dickey-Stephens at times.
Who, after all, can resist an adorable little swamp possum? Evidently a lot of effete, pseudo-intellectual Arkansans with inferiority complexes who are concerned about the state’s podunk image and refuse to embrace the essence that makes us special can resist.
“For the Travelers to perpetuate Arkansas’ hillbilly, backwoods image is an embarrassment to the state, the community and to the team,” is typical of the thousands of reactions posted on Facebook.
The Travs management was stunned and has pulled Otey out of the lineup until focus groups can work on his image. Meanwhile, Little Rock Wastewater’s mascot, Captain Sewer, will sub for Otey beginning with Thursday’s home opener against Midland.
The beloved buck-toothed buccaneer, who frequently visits schools to champion environmental issues, is a giant sewer rat armed with a plunger.
Until next time, Kalaka reminds you that the Midland Rockhounds mascots are Rocky (a dog) and Juice the moose. Yep. Nothing says West Texas better than a moose.
Disclaimer Fayetteville-born Otus the Head Cat’s award-winning column of humorous fabrication appears every Saturday. Email: mstorey@arkansasonline.com
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