Bomber, grieving grandma bond after killings

Now You See Me by Kathy Sanders
Now You See Me by Kathy Sanders

Nineteen years ago today Kathy Sanders’ young grandsons died in the bombing of the Alfred P. Murrah Federal Building in Oklahoma City.

Sanders and her daughter Edye had just dropped the boys off at the day care inside the federal building and headed to work a block away. They had been at work only minutes when they heard the blast, ran outside and realized black smoke was rising from federal building. They ran, heedless of the danger of falling debris. But it was too late. Chase and Colton were gone. In all, 168 people died in the April 19, 1995, bombing.

In the years since that day, Sanders has searched for answers, not convinced that law enforcement officials were telling her everything they knew.

“At one time I was willing to dance with the devil to get the truth,” Sanders said.

She talked with the families of convicted bombers Timothy McVeigh and Terry Nichols, unexpectedly forming a friendship with Nichols’ mother. She even befriended Nichols himself, establishing a years-long correspondence between a convicted killer and a grieving grandmother.

Sanders, who moved to Little Rock 12 years ago, shares the story of her unlikely friendship with Nichols and her search for answers in Now You See Me: How I Forgave the Unforgivable (Faith Words), published earlier this month.

In her search for answers, Sanders said she read all she could about the bombing and learned as much as she could about McVeigh and Nichols. Her journey led her to a religious compound in Oklahoma, an Aryan Nation compound in Idaho and a federal prison in El Reno, Okla., to meet Nichols in person.

Sanders said she realized that in order to heal she had to forgive the very people who had caused her family so much pain. But it wasn’t easy. Her faith had been shaken by the bombing. She was angry with God.

“I grew up in a Christian home and I prayed for those boys every day of their life,” she said. “The day of the bombing I prayed more fervently than ever before. Of course, they perished.”

Sanders said when she saw families of surviving children rejoicing for their answered prayers it was hard to watch, even though she knew she would have been thanking God, too, had circumstances been different.

“When I saw Chase and Colton’s caskets lowered into the ground, my faith was shaken,” she said. “I had to re-evaluate.How could a God who loved me allow something so horrible to happen?”

Sanders said she watched her husband’s anger turn to rage and she lost the will to live.

“I came to a point where I just wanted to die,” she said. “I thought about taking my life.”

She decided instead to trust God and that led her on the path to forgiveness. That path truly began when she attended Nichols’ trial in Colorado and encountered his mother.

“I saw this little elderly woman and she seemed like a pariah. She was by herself and I found out it was Terry’s mother. I went to her because it seemed like the right thing to do,” Sanders said. “I said, ‘I want you to know how sorry I am for your family’ and she began to cry.”

That was the beginning of a friendship. The two women would meet for lunch and talk and over time their relationship deepened. Nichols sent a letter through his mother thanking Sanders for being kind to his mom. Another letter followed and Sanders found herself faced with a difficult decision - did she want to open up the lines of communication with a man responsible for so much pain?

“I wasn’t sure if I wanted a pen pal, much less him,” she said.

The two began to write to each other regularly and Sanders learned more about Nichols with each letter. She includes excerpts from the letters in the book. Eventually she told Nichols that she forgave him. Sanders said doing so lifted a heavy weight from her soul.

“Forgiveness is the best gift you can give yourself,” she said.

In the years since, the letters from Nichols have mostly stopped, although the two still exchange cards for birthdays and Christmas. And even though she hasn’t found all the answers she was seeking, Sanders seems OK with that.

“My journey started out as an investigation,” Sanders said. “It led me to a truth, but not the one I was expecting. Had I had all my questions answered … I wouldn’t have anything but answers and two dead little boys. Today, I’m at peace.”

Religion, Pages 12 on 04/19/2014

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