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Fancy eats give beasts real feasts

By Jennifer Christman

This article was published August 3, 2014 at 3:07 a.m.

The bowl in the advertisement entices with a golden soup of flaky fish and plump shellfish.

"Tuna, shrimp and whitefish in a decadent silky broth," the product tempts.

Only this stew is not for you.

"Gourmet Cat Complement," reads the fine print for new Fancy Feast Broths.

Yes, kitty consomme.

Soup is good food, we all remember from the commercials. But for cats? Slurpy creatures who can't even hold a spoon?

Then again, Fancy Feast also believes felines require hors d'oeuvres, having introduced a line of eight "Appetizers." Nothing plebeian like jalapeno poppers and potato skins, but rather sophisticated Seabass and Shrimp and Tender Tongol Tuna. Talk about fat cats.

And the opulence isn't limited to evening hours. A "Mornings" line features various medleys of protein, egg and vegetables. How is it that Horshack and Squiggy deserve "Souffle with Wild Salmon, Garden Veggies and Egg" when I'm stuck with a cereal bar?

The pups have it pretty darn good too. Some actual canine cuisine sold by Weruva (slogan: "People food for pets"): Kobe Master Beef with Wagyu Beef, Steak Frites (with beef, pumpkin and sweet potatoes in gravy) and Grandma's Chicken Soup. Caesar Bistro sells suppers of Tuscan Style Beef Stew and Grilled Chicken Primavera, and breakfasts of Smoked Bacon and Eggs and Grilled Steak and Eggs intended for critters while their owners settle for grilled cheese and Pop-Tarts.

Make no bones about it: Pets are eating better than people.

It's a hypothesis Dorothy Hunter, owner of the Paws Natural Pet Emporium in Washington state, tested recently, although from a different vantage point. And with dogged determination.

"Here recently in the news there has been a lot about the bad food for humans. ... This is really affecting me a little bit," she said in a YouTube video. "We sell holistic natural foods, good ingredients, USA products ... so much so, that I believe in our products and how good they are that I actually believe our pets are eating better than us."

That's when Hunter's diet went to the dogs.

"With that said, for the next month ... I'm going to eat dog food," she declared.

Oh. My. Dog.

From late June to late July, Hunter consumed only items found in her store's inventory, including canned cat food, freeze-dried cheddar cheese dog snacks, freeze-dried canine chicken dinners, freeze-dried natural green beans and blueberry pumpkin pup treats, and documented the journey via video. And she lived to tell (although there's no way to count how many lives this cat lost in the process).

By Day 29 she wasn't feeling sick as a dog: "I'm really glad I did what I did. I've been eating pet food now for 29 days to promote ingredient awareness. ... I would have to say this 30 days of torturing myself has been totally worth it."

But she did admit she was dog-tired: "I'm really looking forward to eating human food."

So keep your souffles, broths and steak frites, fuzzballs.

We'll stick with catfish and hot dogs.

Cat got your tongue? Email:

Spin Cycle is a weekly smirk at pop culture.

Style on 08/03/2014

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Beggsm says... August 3, 2014 at 5:12 p.m.

You know what's best about the new Fancy Feasts broth packets? For one cat, it is the right proportion, and you don't smell across the kitchen all day. I am already well-sold on it. And so is my cat.

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