How about some potato chips -- venti-size with a double shot and extra foam?
They're not available at Starbucks.
They're at the supermarket, at least for a limited time: Lay's Cappuccino flavored potato chips.
Immediately I had a chip on my shoulder about them. Spotting them on a grocery shelf had me grimacing on the grounds of, well, grounds. I don't crave coffee anyway, but to desecrate a couch potato's prized potato snack in such a manner? That's just spud nuts.
The frothy, full-roasted coffee flavor is one of four quirky varieties in the "Do Us a Flavor" promotion, in which Lay's solicits votes and makes the most popular version part of the regular lineup. It's a follow-up to the 2012-13 campaign that had Cheesy Garlic Bread beating out Sriracha and Chicken and Waffles.
This year's other finalists are Cheddar Bacon Mac & Cheese, Wavy Mango Salsa and Kettle Cooked Wasabi Ginger. But it's the cappuccino flavor that definitely had my skepticism brewing. Especially when a quick read of the label revealed the company didn't even have the decency to make the chips caffeinated.
I conducted an office taste-test and let my colleagues chip in. Yes, I didn't want to suffer, er snack, alone.
The cappuccino critiques were scalding.
"It's like when you throw potato chips in the trash can so you'll stop eating them and then you go back in later to have more after you've already dumped other trash on top," said one rather desperate and sad snackaholic co-worker. Oh, wait, that was me.
A few other comments: "Breakfast potato chips?" "Cappuccino belongs in my coffee mug, not on a potato chip." "The taste itself: not good cappuccino. More like bad serve-yourself gas station cappuccino." "Terrible." "Just plain yucky." "Just plain weird."
Only one open-minded co-worker actually enjoyed the Cappuccino: "I love a salty-sweet combo." She's an intern. Her youthful taste buds could grow out of it.
Another one liked it. In theory.
Of the four offerings, he argued: "The INSPIRED chip is certainly Cappuccino. Is it delicious? No, but neither was the first wheel of brie ever aged, I would imagine. In other words, it asks us to develop 22nd-century tongues here in the 21st century. What's the NEXT taste?" He's full of beans and will never grow out of it.
We'll sum up our coffee talk with one co-worker's ultimate Lay's slogan play: "Proves you really can eat just one."
The definitive winner was the crunchy Wasabi Ginger for its appealing texture and pungent-but-not-too-overpowering punch. Although one commented: "Makes me want sushi, not another potato chip."
The Wasabi Ginger "had just enough kick without sending you rushing for the nearest glass of water (and did a good job of getting rid of that cappuccino flavor)," one said. "I could see myself and my college buddies buying a ton of these ... back when we were in college and could eat whatever we wanted with no repercussions."
(But speaking of repercussions, the chips have unexpected added wheat, warns a gluten-free guru: "Most potato chips are 'safe' for people with celiac and serious allergies, so it's confusing and potentially hazardous to throw that ingredient in.")
The Cheddar Bacon Mac & Cheese, and Wavy Mango Salsa had fans, but the foes made more quotable comments.
"The Bacon Mac & Cheese aftertaste was not like bacon, mac or cheese," one said, comparing it to "little plastic jars of dehydrated seasoning blends that collect in the back of the pantry, but not one of the useful blends -- one that you bought only because a recipe called for it."
Another wrote, "Mango salsa -- back to the test kitchen, andele!"
To vote on your favorite chip, to learn that Lay's has more interesting test flavors in Canada (Bacon and Poutine, Jalapeno Mac & Cheese, Cinnamon Bun or Tzatziki) or to read additional amusing comments, like "The birds enjoyed (the Cappuccino chips) at the beach ... I hope they didn't die," visit facebook.com/lays.
Awaiting your chipper email:
jchristman@arkansasonline.com
What's in a Dame is a weekly report from the woman 'hood.
Style on 08/19/2014