It's tough being a celebrity. You put yourself out there, and all people do is laugh and point and mock.
Example -- Curtis "50 Cent" Jackson, Citi Field, New York. Jackson threw out the first pitch before a game earlier this season and nearly beaned a photographer standing up the first-base line.
"Just a little bit outside," a Mets broadcaster said.
Jackson laughed. So did everyone else. But not in a good way.
So bad was the pitch that the Washington Post created a graphic that showed numerous worst, and best, ceremonial first pitches by a select group of familiar names. Among the worst were Kim Kardashian, the Cookie Monster and Michael Jordan.
Jordan, remember, quit pro basketball to try his hand at minor-league baseball. Good thing the NBA took him back.
Matthew McConaughey and Snoop Dogg threw strikes. As did Bill Clinton.
And then there was George W. Bush. He smoked one down the middle under difficult circumstances. There's an Arkansas connection -- there always is -- that we'll discuss later.
PLAY BALL
First pitches date at least to 1910, when President William Howard Taft threw one from the stands at Griffith Stadium, home of the Washington Senators.
The practice has spread over the century since. And spread and spread and spread.
Andrew Buchbinder, radio voice of the Springfield Cardinals and former voice of the Hickory, N.C., Crawdads, estimates he has seen up to 2,000 first pitches in his eight years as a broadcaster. That includes one by pro wrestler Hacksaw Jim Duggan.
"He did his whole shtick," complete with 2-by-4, Buchbinder says while working in a radio booth at Dickey-Stephens Park in North Little Rock.
The view from the booth is of home plate and the mound, where David Palmer, manager of regulatory affairs at Entergy Arkansas, found a moment of baseball glory in July.
It was The Power to Care Night at the ballpark. A check for $184,436 was presented to the Dollar Energy Fund, which helps people pay energy bills in times of financial crisis. The money came from Entergy customers, shareholders and employees.
An offer was made to Entergy to have someone throw out a ceremonial pitch, one of three that night.
"People here knew my interest in baseball," Palmer says, "and knew I was dumb enough to take them up on it."
"You set yourself up for personal embarrassment if you don't know what you're doing," Palmer adds, "as evidenced by Mr. 50 Cent."
Palmer, 36, knew what he was doing, having been an infielder and pitcher in high school. He talked himself up to his wife, Mendi, until "she was tired of hearing about it."
Game day. Nervous?
"I wasn't until I got on the mound," he says. "Duh. I approached it like -- I can throw the ball 60 feet. That's why I was a little arrogant and bragging to my wife. But when you step out there, this guy 60 feet away expects you to get it there.
"With all those people watching, it was a little unnerving. If I'd thought about it for long I would have probably pulled a 50 Cent."
No soft tosses here.
"It's harder to lob a baseball than to throw one in. I threw as hard as I could without tearing my rotator cuff."
Palmer did himself proud, with sons Carson, 7, and Hudson, 5, on hand.
"It was a flamethrower. Knee-high on the outside corner. A frozen rope is a better metaphor."
SHUTOUT
Nate Smith, a tall, friendly left-handed pitcher, takes a seat on the concourse at Dickey-Stephens Park. Batting practice progresses down on the field. The day is sunny, warm, with a light cooling breeze. It's a great day to talk baseball.
Smith is in his second year of pro ball. Last year he pitched for the Orem, Utah, Owlz after being drafted by the California Angels out of Furman University. He ponders the difficulty of his craft.
"It's not that easy," he says. "There are thousands of screaming co-eds, and you're on that lonely island on the mound."
For ceremonial pitches, Smith has some tips.
• "Know your arm strength." Practice a bit before stepping on the mound. A three-hopper to the plate, he says, could prove undignified.
Arm strength weak? "Step closer to the plate. Do whatever it takes to throw a strike, whether it's 10 feet from the plate or from the mound."
Have some regard for the catcher. A bad pitch makes him look bad, too. "Make sure you have enough in the tank to get it to home plate."
• Wear a baseball glove. "You've got to look like a pitcher before you throw a strike."
• Prepare a celebration for when you throw that strike.
"You have to prepare to succeed before you succeed," Smith says. "That's especially important for pitchers. Visualize the strike and the fist pump."
• Left-handers have a particular obstacle to overcome. They're throwing against the orbit of the earth, and the planet is slightly off-center of its axis.
This is where 50 Cent, a lefty, went wrong, Smith says.
"He deviated from the orbit of the earth."
Asked about this later, Travs broadcaster Phil Elson explains: "That sounds like a lefty." In other words, slightly eccentric.
ON THE BALL
One of the most famous first pitches was thrown by George W. Bush on Oct. 30, 2001, before a World Series game at Yankee Stadium.
The times were tumultuous. On Sept. 11, two hijacked airliners had been flown into New York's World Trade Center. On Oct. 29, the FBI issued a nationwide terrorism alert.
Bush was an old hand at first pitches. He'd thrown them that year at Miller Park, home of the Milwaukee Brewers; at the College World Series in Omaha, Neb.; and at the Little League World Series in Williamsport, Pa.
This was different. This was dangerous. In more ways than one. Derek Jeter, the Yankee shortstop, warned the president not to fail to reach the plate. Bounce one, Jeter said, and the fans will boo.
Bush drilled a strike, right down the middle with some mustard on it.
That brings us back to Elson. He once had a conversation with Bush about the Yankee Stadium pitch.
The president was in Little Rock in August 2002 to raise money for Republican candidates and to speak about education policy.
One of Bush's appearances was at the Statehouse Convention Center. Elson recalls that the White House called the Travelers and asked for the team to be there. What Elson also remembers was the national debate on an invasion of Iraq.
"I remember him making his case," Elson says.
Bush made his speech. Elson was about 20 feet away with the ballplayers.
After the speech, Bush worked the crowd and worked his way toward Elson. Bush is a former managing partner of the Texas Rangers. He saw Elson's Travelers logo and asked how the team was doing.
Not so good. The Travelers finished 51-89 that year.
"I kissed up to him a little bit," Elson says. "Told him the Rangers hadn't been good since he left them."
Elson then popped the crucial question: "What was more stressful, being inaugurated or throwing out the first pitch at Yankee Stadium?"
"Well, that's easy," Bush told Elson. "Throwing out the first pitch by far."
Bush gave Elson a wink.
"I had on a bullet-proof vest, you know."
Style on 08/19/2014