Happily, this has been the summer that wasn't in Arkansas. Between the rains in July and the cool spells that came with it, followed by a some remarkably temperate weather in August--in August! in Arkansas!--it's been a surprising summer. Also refreshing, delightful, and generally a pleasure.
Yes, some of the state's tomato crop was pretty much washed out, but the peaches--oh, the peaches!--were magnificent. They may have come in late but they came in big, sweet and irresistible, especially the Redskins--if we're still permitted to call them that.
Any summer in which this annual list of 50 Ways to Beat the Heat doesn't have to be updated till this late in August is a record-breaking winner. In short, a peach of a summer. If this be Global Warming, bring it on.
But now that somebody has finally turned on the traditional August heat here in Arkansas, here are 50 ways to turn it down. Feel free to clip and save, mix and match, or add your own:
1. Delete all unwanted emails without opening them. Especially if they're from types who are always a little hot under the collar anyway.
2. Forget talk radio and 24/7 television news. Switch to the classical musical station. Vivaldi is a comfort, Dvorak about as stirring as you need. Mozart is perfect--any time of the year. Or get out Miles Davis and John Coltrane's classic, Kind of Blue. I hereby nominate Miles Davis--along with Gershwin, of course--as the greatest American composer of the 20th Century. As for the 21st, we live in hope.
3. Recall the lightest, most elegant, interesting dessert you ever had. Mine is zabaglione over half a perfect peach. Italians know what they're doing in matters of summer style (or style in general) and hot summers bring out their genius for creating just the right dish.
4. To borrow a line from the late great Robert Benchley, get out of those sweaty clothes and into a dry martini.
5. Think on the pure, crystalline beauty of the Pythagorean Theorem.
6. Don't try to figure out the infield fly rule one more time; just settle back and watch the game. Preferably at Dickey-Stephens on the riverside in North Little Rock, where the Travs are having as cool a season as Arkansas is in general.
7. Avoid watching sitcoms, playing rock 'n' roll, listening to TV shout shows, worrying about the future or regretting the past. "Don't look back. Something might be gaining on you."--Satchel Paige, who knew a thing or two about both baseball and life. Epictetus the Stoic might have said something like that, too, but not half so well.
8. Decorate with cool, green, leafy things, but not kudzu. Turn your back on it for a minute and it'll cover your whole house.
9. Take siestas; arrange to live in the early morning and after twilight.
10. Don't hurry back, or anywhere. "Nothing can be more useful to a man than a determination not to be hurried."--Henry David Thoreau. He may have been a Massachusetts man, but he had to be a Southerner at heart.
11. Park in the shade.
12. Key lime pie.
13. Wear a hat. With a broad brim.
14. Have the the kids take a nap. Take one yourself. Or watch an old Mister Rogers show with (or without) a small child. It'll soothe.
15. Sit on the front porch. In a swing. Under a fan. Especially if it's glassed-in, air-conditioned, in the shade, and surrounded by cool greenery inside and out. If you must go out in the noonday sun--like mad dogs and Englishmen--stick a handkerchief in the back of your collar. Wear sunglasses. Breathe deeply.
16. Read last January's weather reports, with special attention to blizzards and ice storms. Think Chicago or Moscow . . . or contemplate Iceland and wonder if Eyjafjallajokull will erupt again. But under no circumstances attempt to pronounce it. It takes too much effort.
17. Take a thimble-sized cup of hot soup before supper to whet the appetite.
18. Switch from big band to chamber music, red to white wine, gin to tonic, cornbread to beaten biscuits, humor to wit. Sit back, breathe deeply, and erase from your mind all thoughts of Rand Paul, Eric Holder, Obamacare and anything else Fast and Furious.
19. Go fishing. Early in the day. Without fancy lures, rod 'n' reel, and other impedimenta. Pack a picnic breakfast, choose an unfrequented spot off the beaten path, lie down, breathe deep, close your eyes and clear the mind. ("Many go fishing all of their lives without knowing that it is not fish they are after."--Thoreau again.)
20. Have a tall cold one. With a hot dog. At a minor league ballpark. Luxuriate in the nostalgia. Grab a handful of it at the Travs' little bandbox of a ballpark in ever more attractive North Little Rock, Ark., or see a Naturals game in Springdale; they've got a still new ballpark, too. See, hear and feel what baseball used to be like and, in Arkansas, still is.
21. Wait'll next year, as they used to say in Brooklyn when the Dodgers still knew where they belonged. And think what the tomatoes will be like. Think the real kind. Like Bradley County pinks. Ripe, sliced thin, maybe on dark bread. With just a hint of a smidgen of a drop of olive oil. In the Italian style.
22. Wear white linen and play Great Gatsby to beat the band. Hide your ties till winter.
23. If you get the urge to exercise, lie down at once. If you absolutely must, swim. In cool water. Never run, seldom walk, stroll if you must. Master the saunter. Remember Paige's Law No. 2: "Step lightly; do not jar the inner harmonies."
24. See the movie Dr. Zhivago. Stay to watch snowy scenes twice. This time of year, Siberia in January can look like paradise.
25. Sweet tea. If you must attend a political rally, make it one sponsored by the (Iced) Tea Party.
26. Contemplate the coming of the next ice age.
27. Read up on the culture of the Esquimaux, Inuit and Aleuts.
28. Plan an expedition to the South Pole. Read a biography of Shackleton and marvel.
29. Stock up on watercress and cucumbers.
30. Carry a bandanna. Maybe two. Mop your brow even when it doesn't need mopping.
31. Walk on the shady side of the street. (Visitors from Up No'th have to be reminded.) Don't let Little Rock's city government tear down another shady old tree downtown in the name of Urban Planning, the latest form of organized vandalism.
32. Sigh now and then over the follies of men. Do not judge lest you get all worked up. (Isn't that in Scripture somewhere?)
33. Read Gorky Park or some other detective story set in a cold climate. Check out Howard Hawks' arctic and antic sci-fi classic The Thing From Another World. The scary scenes are particularly funny.
34. Send the kids to visit the grandparents.
35. Grandparents: Send the kids right back after 24 hours, then take a week off by yourselves. You deserve it. You've already raised your kids.
36. Think what Stockholm must be like. Also Spitsbergen.
37. Go for a walk at dawn, preferably without having to get up at an early hour.
38. Peaches again. Especially those from around Clarksville, where they keep turning out new varieties. Oh, those Ruby Princes! Try 'em with Yarnell vanilla ice yogurt. Made right here in Arkansas again.
39. "Simplify, simplify, simplify."--Henry David Thoreau once again.
40. Don't fret. Why worry about things till you have to? You may never have to.
41. Just one word: Seersucker.
42. Wonder about the Laplanders.
43 . Go ahead, try the waterslide.
44. Think on not having to put up the Christmas decorations, cook the turkey or build a roaring fire.
45. Smile in the sure knowledge that the damper on your fireplace is closed.
46. Check out the contents of the fridge at home. At length.
47. Consult the atlas for the location of Novaya Zemlya and the Bering Strait. Read about penguin population patterns. Study up on the Aurora Borealis.
48. Re-read Jack London's "To Build a Fire."
49. Be nice. Act pretty. Just like mama told you.
50. Take the columnists with an extra grain of salt. Maybe a carload.
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Paul Greenberg is editorial page editor of the Arkansas Democrat-Gazette. The original version of this column appeared in 1982. He recommends reading this year's update to the sound of ice cubes clinking in a tall glass of iced tea.
Editorial on 08/27/2014