What's in a Dame

Nun's the word on Lifetime's Sisterhood

"He was swaying with me. His eyes met mine. He was just looking into my eyes as we were kind of swaying there together ... and it was, like, romantic."

That's 27-year-old Christie from Glendale, Calif., describing an encounter with the man she calls her boyfriend.

"He was flirting with me ... and I was just, like, whoa, Jesus, whoa."

Yes, Jesus. That Jesus.

Christie, who calls this a vision, is one of the five women of faith starring in Lifetime's docu-series The Sisterhood: Becoming Nuns (9 p.m. Tuesdays). It's preceded by True Tori about Tori Spelling and her cheating louse of a spouse -- a show that could make any woman want to flee to an abbey.

"For six weeks, they'll live and work in different convents," a narrator says about the discernment process. "At the end, they'll face a choice: following their calling and become nuns or go home."

So far, we're seeing Christie in the "go-home" category. Not only does she favor short skirts, she freaks when fellow seeker (Claire, 26 of Joliet, Ill., a long-skirt wearer in the "nun" category) tells her that she has been "living a season of dedicated singleness" for five years.

"Holy mother, that's a long time to be single," says Christie an avid dater. "I don't seek out guys, but I still date. It just happens."

Did Christie confuse her casting calls? Maybe she showed up at Becoming Nuns instead of The Bachelor?

Then again, "Women don't enter with halos. They don't come in holy," says Sister Cyril at St. Teresa's Motherhouse in Germantown, N.Y., the ladies' first stop. "God called them from where they are. And they all come from different backgrounds."

Like Eseni, 23, of Brooklyn, who went to Catholic school and has considered becoming a nun since age 9 when her father cheated on her mother.

Eseni says nuns' lives are "just so simple and they're so happy, which fascinated me because where I lived, it was nothing but chaos and drama."

But at least there will be no chaos and drama for Eseni now, who is being dropped off and hugged goodbye at the convent by her brother, Darnell.

No, wait, he's not her brother. He's her boyfriend. And he's not feeling Eseni's vocation.

Neither is Mother Mark Superior General, who sniffs, "Realizing that [Darnell] was a significant other to Eseni, we said, 'OK, this is going to be interesting.'"

Still, we think the model-esque Louis Vuitton bag-toting Eseni will miss Darnell less than her acrylic nails and stiletto heels that Mother Mark expects her to exchange for a modest uniform. All the women must give up their cellphones and makeup.

Which makes Francesca, 21, of Harrison Park, N.J., who has insecurities about her acne, flip. Until Claire assures her, "You do look beautiful, and more importantly you are beautiful."

Wait, women being nice to each other? Women dressing humbly? Women in pursuit of something besides men? On a reality show?

There's something refreshing here. Even if I -- a Scripture-studying, every Sunday kind of Catholic myself -- can't entirely relate to the zealousness of actress-turned-maybe-abbess Stacey, 26, of Huntington, N.Y., who reveals her favorite picture of "handsome surfer dude Jesus. ... I have to remember if I'm called to be a sister, I'm giving up [dreams], but I'm also getting this really gorgeous, awesome man."

Perhaps we spoke too soon about the show being refreshing. Season previews show Eseni announcing, "I'm going to punch someone in their face," a ton of tears and even some, um, twerking.

But we'll still probably watch. The Sisterhood: Becoming Nuns could prove "habit"-forming.

Send a sisterly email:

jchristman@arkansasonline.com

What's in a Dame is a weekly report from the woman 'hood.

Style on 12/02/2014

Upcoming Events