The TV Column

Get a leg up by watching Christmas Story marathon

Ralphie (Peter Billingsley) watches as Flick's (Scott Schwartz) tongue gets stuck to the flagpole in Christmas Story.
Ralphie (Peter Billingsley) watches as Flick's (Scott Schwartz) tongue gets stuck to the flagpole in Christmas Story.

Sure, everybody wants to be home with their families on Christmas. But what about employees of TV networks?

One solution on cable is to queue up a marathon of TV shows, put the place on autopilot and turn out the lights.

Perhaps the most famous Christmas movie marathon of all is the annual one on TBS. The cable outfit sets A Christmas Story to replay and lets it run. Over and over and over.

This year's marathon of young Ralphie Parker and his quest for "a Red Ryder Carbine Action 200-shot Range Model air rifle with a compass in the stock and this thing which tells time" kicks off at 7 p.m. Wednesday and runs for a full 24 hours. Each airing takes up a two-hour block of time.

Show of hands: Who among us has never seen the 1983 comedy based on the semi-autobiographical short stories of Jean Shepherd (who narrates the film as the adult Ralphie)? Those of you with your hands raised have woefully failed in your required pop culture viewing. Don't let another year pass without watching the movie. Maybe watch it several times during the marathon.

Driving the film's action is the all-consuming desire of 9-year-old Ralphie (Peter Billingsley) to get the legendary BB gun for Christmas. Naturally, his desires are thwarted by his mom (Melinda Dillon) and other responsible adults (including the department store Santa) because -- say it with me -- "You'll shoot your eye out."

It's no great spoiler to tell you that, thanks to his dad (Darren McGavin), Ralphie does get the gun and (naturally) near tragedy ensues.

But there are many other memorable moments is this slice of Americana from around 1940 (Shepard wanted the exact year to be vague).

There's the "major award" won by Ralphie's dad subplot. When the award finally arrives, "the old man" assumes it must be from Italy because the box is stamped "Fragile," which he pronounces frah-GEE-lay.

The award turns out to be one of the most iconic elements of the comedy and, much to the horror of Ralphie's mom, ends up in the living room, where the entire neighborhood can see "the soft glow of electric sex gleaming in the window."

And there's Ralphie and his friends Flick (Scott Schwartz) and Schwartz (R.D. Robb) and their ongoing battle with the neighborhood bullies in the town of Hohman, a fictionalized version of Shepherd's hometown of Hammond, Ind.

But for many, the most memorable scene is where Flick gets his tongue stuck to the frozen flagpole (a small hole and vacuum hose were used for the effect). Warning: There's a "triple-dog dare" involved. That's the "coup de grace of all dares -- the most sinister of dares."

Trivia: The Red Ryder BB Gun (although not exactly the model described by Ralphie) was introduced by Daisy Outdoor Products, based in Rogers, beginning in 1938. It resembles the Old West Winchester rifle. The Red Ryder in the movie was customized to conform to Shepherd's story.

The air rifle is still in production. On its website, Daisy advertises the Red Ryder Model 1938 for $39.99 and recommends it "for ages 10 and older with adult supervision." I assume that's because younger kids will put their eyes out.

For me, the one movie quotation that strikes home the most comes from the adult Ralphie when he describes that magic moment on Christmas morning when he and his brother dive into the gifts under the tree: "We plunged into the cornucopia quivering with desire and the ecstasy of unbridled avarice."

Ah, fond memories.

Overkill. Those marathoners at TBS seem like amateurs compared to the professional holiday marathoners over on Science Channel. You can't top this: The Mythbusters Holiday Mega Marathon begins at 5 a.m. Wednesday and runs for nine and a half days (!), through Jan. 2 at 5 p.m.

Mythbusters fans, that's 220 episodes and 228 hours of all Mythbusters all day and all night.

Year in review. ABC News presents The Year: 2014 at 8 p.m. today. The "star-studded" two-hour special is hosted by Robin Roberts and includes reports from a gaggle of folks from ABC News. It promises to cover all the bases.

There will be everything from politics and racial unrest, to Ebola, ISIS and -- and -- the marriage of George Clooney.

Yeah, there was that. Right up there behind Ebola and ISIS.

Also featured will be "the stars who inspired women to embrace their bodies and their independence." These include Taylor Swift, Iggy Azalea, Ariana Grande and Amy Van Dyken, the Olympic swimmer paralyzed in an ATV accident.

Don't know about you, but Swift sure inspires me with lyrics such as:

"Got a long list of ex-lovers / They'll tell you I'm insane

But I got a blank space baby / And I'll write your name."

The TV Column appears Sunday, Tuesday and Thursday. Email:

mstorey@arkansasonline.com

Style on 12/23/2014

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