Internet tells different story on husband’s dead brother

DEAR ABBY: My husband and I have been married for three years. I trust him with my whole heart.

Lately, I have been wanting to know more about his brother. My husband hasn’t said much about him other than he was murdered in prison about 10 years ago.

I’m not saying that he and his family are lying, but I did some research and came across multiple websites about my husband’s brother. Yes, he was in prison, but I’m not sure he was actually murdered there.

I want to talk to my husband and find out what really happened and try to get to know his brother, but I’m scared he will get angry and even shut me out.

• In the Dark

DEAR IN THE DARK: There is always a risk when someone goes poking around the family closet and starts rattling the skeletons. I suggest you be frank with your husband. Tell him you were curious about his brother, went on the Internet, found some surprising information and would like some honest answers. If you trust him with your whole heart, then his response will tell you all you need to know.

DEAR ABBY: I am a widow with five daughters. The youngest is 8, and the others are in their late teens and early 20s. I am self-employed and very involved in my kids’ lives.

I have a boyfriend I have been seeing for the last 18 months. I spend the night with him two or three times a month, which involves less than a 24-hour stay.

I would like to have an extended weekend or a short vacation with him, but he is balking. He says I shouldn’t be away from my baby that long. He grew up with a very distant mother and had an unhappy childhood. My daughter spends a lot of time with me, but still enjoys her “sister time.”

How can I get him to realize that my being away for a few days would recharge me and make me a better mom?

• Badly in Need of a Break

DEAR BADLY IN NEED: If you haven’t already pointed out to this man that his childhood was far different than the one you have provided for your children, then you should.

I am somewhat concerned that he is giving you parenting advice, since nowhere in your letter did you mention that he has any children. It occurs to me that he may have his own reasons for not spending more time with you than he does, and if I’m right, you need to get to the bottom of it.

DEAR ABBY: My husband goes into a tirade if anyone has a taste of food before a meal is served. He goes off on everyone - even a child who has had to wait because the meal is late or they just love light rolls.

What do you think?

• Losing My Appetite

DEAR LOSING: I think your husband appears to be excessively controlling. For him to expect hungry people to sit at a table with food and not partake of it is unrealistic. Children should be taught proper table manners, but to force a hungry child to sit at a table with bread on it for fear of a tirade is abusive.

People sometimes overreact the way your husband does because they have low blood sugar. Could this be his problem?

Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Write Dear Abby at DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, Calif. 90069.