LET’S TALK

Laughing through the years

Having observed yet another “trip around the sun” on Monday, I’ve also observed some of the good, the bad, and the downright comical about being a member of the post-50 club.

It basically goes like this.

The good: You still appreciate the visuals when it comes to a nice-looking member of the opposite sex.

The bad: Realizing that person is probably your children’s age.

The downright comical: Getting into a conversation with said eye candy, who calls you “Ma’am” or “Sir.”

The good: A youthful - and dreadful - musical TV awards show/halftime performance livened up by the trotting out of the band you partied to when you were young.

The bad: Realizing that, ewww, these guys have gotten old.

The downright comical: Realizing that you’re actually a bit older than those cats.

The good: You go on vacations looking forward to all the fun activities you’ve carefully planned, and wearing the cute, hip stuff young people get away with wearing because after all, you’re on vacation … who’ll see you?

The bad/downright comical: You end up eating, napping and wearing caftans or color-blocked guayabera shirts.

The good: So who’s old? You go out partying on Friday night.

The bad: By 9:30 p.m., you’re thinking about those Law & Order or House Hunters reruns.

The worse: By 10 p.m., you’re chanting in your head, “There’s no party like a Sleep Number party ’cuz a Sleep Number party don’t stop!”

The downright comical: By 10:30, you are asleep … right there at your table.

The good: You daydream about getting the boys together for a kegger, just like back in your college days.

The bad/comical: You decide you’d rather have a pruner instead.

The good: Finally a fairly warm, sunny Saturday in the midst of a harsh winter. Time to go shopping!

The bad: Everybody else had the exact same idea … and parking and waiting in lines has gotten to be too much of an adventure for you these days.

The downright comical: You disapprovingly count the number of people who wore their shorts and flip-flops.

The good: Reading glasses are now cool-looking.

The bad: You still can’t find yours when you need them.

The downright comical: Dang it, you really need those puppies to turn up because you hear better when you’ve got them on.

The bad: Thinning hair.

The downright comical: Having to find creative ways to fix it.

The good: Once you figure out a creative way to fix it - or you just shave it all off - getting ready in the morning is a whole lot faster.

The good: You’re confident that you can still handle that amusement park ride. Or that big, honkin’ water slide that lands you into 3 feet of water, even though you cannot swim.

The bad/downright comical: The inevitable happens, and you remember that you couldn’t even handle the Tilta-Whirl or the Scrambler the last time you tried them.

The good again: Amusement park food!

The bad again: Ugh, the lines. Ugh, the prices. And,double ugh, the indigestion.

The good: Now that you text a lot, you can finally do it faster.

The bad: You still can’t figure out - or at least have to pause to remember - what LOL, SMH, YOLO, LMBO and their more profane fellow acronyms stand for.

The downright comical: You simultaneously figure terms such as “Amazeballs,” “Totes McGotes” and “Craycray adorbs” are a sure sign of the collapse of society … and envy James Earl Jones and Malcolm McDowell for the money they took home after sacrificing their dignity to use these terms in a Sprint commercial. And come to think of it, that Malcolm is sort of an old gal’s Hottie McHotterson himself.

The bad: You have a wardrobe malfunction.

The good: You figure that if they saw nothing they hadn’t seen before, so what?

The downright comical: You also figure that if anybody laughs or hassles you about it, you’ll threaten to make them pay you not to deliberately show them your body part again.

The good: Hey, hold my beer and watch this!

The bad: Your obit in the paper the next day.

The downright comical: Whew, you dreamed it all after eating too much amusement park food, too late.

The good, the better and downright best: You can email: hwilliams@arkansasonline.com

Style, Pages 47 on 02/23/2014

Upcoming Events