Here we go again.
As the whole world knows, Arkansas is chock-full of hicks and yahoos - backward hayseeds and inbred crackers married to their 14-year-old first cousins and brewin’ up ’shine down in the holler.
As a sixth-generation Arkansan, I speak with incontrovertible authority. My people arrived in northeast Arkansas in 1828 before we were even a state.
Yeah, ain’t nobody here but us rustic rubes and barefoot bumpkins, just sittin’ and spittin’ on the front porch next to the broke icebox and watchin’ the sun set over the ’54 Chevy up on blocks down by the road.
Silly? Stupid? You bet. But that’s the sort of negative state image that will be perpetuated once the latest Discovery Channel “reality” show hits the airwaves at 9 p.m. today.
The six episodes of Clash of the Ozarks purport to document a modern-day Hatfields and McCoys clan war in Hardy.
The north Arkansas town of 775 or so is renowned for the pristine beauty of the Spring River, trout fishing, canoe floats, and the nearby retirement mecca of Cherokee Village. After tonight, it’ll also be known as the home of the century-old feud between the Russells and the Evanses.
I blame the infamy on cheap reality shows and the seductive temptation to be on TV no matter how stupid they make you seem.
I’ve written frequently about how many reality shows exist primarily to display society’s oddballs and anomalies for the amusement of the viewing audience.
From Real Housewives, Swamp People, Jersey Shore, Here Comes Honey Boo Boo, the toothless hillbillies of Moonshiners and Appalachian Outlaws, to the cat-fighting narcissistic mamas of Cheer Perfection, reality programs hold their subjects up for ridicule.
For every successful series such as Duck Dynasty, there are two dozen that come and go and leave a bad taste in the mouths of discerning viewers.
Discovery didn’t see fit to send a preview DVD or provide video on its press-only site, so we have to rely on a rather florid website trailer and patronizing news release.
The publicity begins by saying what a swell place Hardy is “to live, hunt, fish and raise a family.” It then adds, “And it still very much resembles a town right out of the Wild West. This lack of progression has turned Hardy into a land where emotions and territory conflicts outweigh a law-abiding society.”
The series, Discovery says, “will put viewers right in the middle of this present-day clan war between two of the town’s oldest families - the Russells and the [Evanses].”
Evidently, the feud started at a town dance more than a hundred years ago. There was a fight that resulted - allegedly - in three deaths.
“The bad blood between the [Evanses] and the Russells escalated steadily throughout the years, and today tensions are running higher than ever, forcing all who live in Hardy to pick a side - with Crowbar or Kerry.”
They would be family patriarchs Crowbar Russell and his arch nemesis, Kerry Wayne Evans.
According to Discovery, Crowbar just wants to work his land “and is opposed to any form of change or progress that might disrupt his way of life.”
Crowbar’s philosophy: “It’s code in the Ozark hills - Protect your family. Defend your land. Destroy anyone that gets in your way.”
Kerry is described as “a savvy businessman whose sole purpose is to bring progress to the sleepy town of Hardy. This outlook has gotten him beaten, stabbed and arrested more times than his scars reveal.”
Kerry also “will do just about anything to build up his empire.”
Other “quirky characters” in the series include Jimmy Haney, “a mountain man who doesn’t own a pair of shoes and hasn’t lived in a house for years,” and Sevella,“a tough, gun-toting, elderly woman who is rumored to be clairvoyant.”
There you have it, fellow Arkansans. Tonight’s premiere episode synopsis: “A stockpile of moonshine is destroyed, leading to the rumblings of war between the two clans.”
The debut follows the Season 2 premiere of Amish Mafia at 8 p.m.
The Amish. Now there are some quirky wackos we can really poke fun at.
Reminder. The highly enjoyable Mind Games, starring Christian Slater and Steve Zahn, debuts at 9 p.m. today on ABC. Dig out last Sunday’s TV Week insert for details.
Ruskies. Season 2 of the spy thriller The Americans debuts at 9 p.m. Wednesday on FX. The series stars Keri Russell and Philip Jennings as Soviet spies deep undercover in America during the Cold War.
Ribald. Mixology, a new adult comedy about young folks looking for love in a high-end neighborhood watering hole, debuts at 8:30 p.m. Wednesday on ABC. The TV-14 (sexual dialogue and salty language) series comes from Scott Moore and Jon Lucas, the writers of The Hangover. Ryan Seacrest is an executive producer.
Returning. Rizzoli & Isles and Perception return with new episodes at 8 and 9 p.m. today on TNT.
The TV Column appears Sunday, Tuesday and Thursday. Email: mstorey@arkansasonline.com
Style, Pages 28 on 02/25/2014