I'm suffering from a bit of Facebook guilt.
We've all been there. Especially those of us who have made it to a four-figure friend count.
I've got 1,188 Facebook friends. Granted, that's nowhere near the 5,000-friend limit. But it's certainly enough to evoke that feeling of having a "bottomless" news feed and set me to wondering how many cute kids, cats, vacation photos and smart-alecky memes I've missed, or how many opportunities I missed to comfort someone during a low point in his life. All because I fell asleep Facebooking, ran out of surfing/lurking time or simply failed to visit the pages of the lower-key friends I forgot I had.
Even worse, there are times I do see important news feed posts and fail to press "like," let alone respond with words. Shame on me.
I know I'm not alone in being remiss. Luckily, I happen to be the one with a newspaper column by which I can not only attempt to redeem myself, but speak for all of us who may be ridden with Facebook guilt.
So here, without further ado, is a list of comments for Facebook posts we didn't see, didn't always get around to making or didn't make because we had writer's block and hated sounding like everybody else who posted:
• Happy birthday, (name)!
• Congratulations on your (wedding, anniversary, graduation)!
• Oh, (he, she, it is/they are) so cute/precious!
• Get well soon!
• Love (your daughter's gorgeous prom gown, your son's spiffy tux)! And what a (handsome, beautiful) date!
• I'm sharing this.
• Beautiful selfie!
• That's a word right there! Preeeeeeach!
• My thoughts and prayers are with you.
Then there are the things we're tempted to post, comment on or admit. Things we start to post, but delete ... of which Facebook was rumored to keep a record. That was a rumor, right? Here's a glimpse at what's going through our minds:
• Yeah, whatever, I don't care if Facebook does generate game requests using your name. I will still sneak Superglue into your Preparation H if I get another invitation to play Candy Crush Saga. I do not want to play Candy Crush Saga. I want to eat candy. Playing a game whose theme is candy could not possibly be any better than eating the candy. I should not eat candy, but anytime I see the words "Candy Crush Saga," it makes me think about eating candy. So stop.
• Love (your daughter's gorgeous prom gown, your son's spiffy tux)! And what a (handsome, beautiful) date! Sigh ... Wonder what that would have been like ... ?
• Yes, I just had a nice vacation. But I still envy you yours.
• OK, it took me a minute to realize what the heck "do it for the vine" meant. Now that I know, I can declare that I won't.
• I'll never get off my duff and cook this dish, but it's nice to look at and I'm going to share this recipe with myself.
• Dang. I guess gawking at all these house pictures on the Opulent Lifestyle or Elegant Residences page isn't making a fancy house jump up out of nowhere and surround us, is it?
• I hate all the old photos that I stashed in storage. But strangely enough, I feel left out when I have nothing to post on Throwback Thursday.
• To those of you who ever dissed or mistreated anyone else and thought you got away with it: No you didn't. Although names weren't mentioned, you got a reaming.
• Even if I'm going to your event, chances are I'm going to be too lazy to indicate "join," "maybe" or "decline," and even if I actually like the (person, place, thing) whose page you've invited me to "like," chances are I'm going to be too lazy to do so.
• Since so many of my Facebook friends have been posting that meme of the forlorn, upward-looking lion that says "The worst part about being strong is that no one asks if you're OK": Number one, er, are you OK? Number two, look in the direction in which the lion is looking. Now pray.
• Thank you for getting me motivated to work out by posting about your workouts! But it looks like the motivation to keep them up will have to come from elsewhere.
• I just "liked" a selfie by you a couple of (minutes, hours, days) ago. Can that "like" just count for a month?
Manage your email:
hwilliams@arkansasonline.com
Style on 06/01/2014