DEAR ABBY: When I was growing up, I was taught to love animals and I had several. For various reasons I never had to deal with making the decision to put one to sleep. As I grew older, I realized we don't have the right to "own" living creatures, but we can take care of them. Eventually, my dog became ill and I had to make the choice to put him down. It was heartbreaking, and while I support my local animal shelter, I vowed to never again have another animal I would have to make that decision for.
Now my children are asking me to find a dog for them, and I'm at a loss about what to do. Do I first make them aware that the animal we love will die in some fashion, including that we may have to decide to put him to sleep? Or do I let them have an animal and let them deal with the heartbreak when the time comes? Thanks for your input.
-- Animal Guardian
DEAR ANIMAL GUARDIAN: If your children are young, let them enjoy having a pet to love without worrying about the fact that its life span may not be forever. If you do, they will learn about responsible pet ownership, as well as the responsibility that comes when the pet becomes so old or sick that it can no longer enjoy life. While death is a part of life, I don't think that reality should be impressed upon your children now.
DEAR ABBY: I am getting married soon, and I am not inviting one of my co-workers, "Darrell," who I know will be hurt. I have looked up to him as an uncle for a few years. We eat lunch together and share gossip, but my fiance and I decided not to invite him even though we are inviting other people from the office. Darrell was recently arrested for supposedly raping his daughter. He went to court, but the daughter failed to appear, so the charges were dropped. Since then, even though I consider him a friend, I have seen him in a different light.
I know he could be innocent, but my fiance and I do not want him at our wedding around family and kids. I don't know how to tell him he won't be invited. What should I say or not say?
-- Bride-To-Be
DEAR BRIDE-TO-BE: I can't think of a polite way to tell someone you're afraid your family members wouldn't be safe around him, and I don't think it will be necessary because Darrell is going to get the picture without anything being said.
It's regrettable that your co-worker didn't have his day in court because at the office it appears he has already been found guilty. It goes without saying that you have to find a luncheon partner and mentor besides Darrell, so be prepared.
DEAR READERS: A happy Mother's Day to mothers everywhere -- birth mothers, adoptive and foster mothers, stepmothers and grandmothers who are raising grandchildren. Orchids to you, for the love you give every day. Love, Abby
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Write Dear Abby at DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, Calif. 90069.
High Profile on 05/11/2014