Suffer the little children

Loud kids can be a bother in church, but pastors say that, within reason, it can be a joyful noise

They wiggle and squirm. Sometimes they cry. A lot. Infants and young children in church can be a challenge for pastors, and for worshippers.

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Arkansas Democrat-Gazette children in church illustration.

At Immaculate Conception Catholic Church in North Little Rock, the Rev. Tom Elliott occasionally hears complaints from parishioners distracted by children during services. He said a nursery is offered at most services, but he has always appreciated having children present at Mass.

"Sometimes I remind the disgruntled parishioners that one of the primary teachings of St. Ignatius of Loyola is that God can be found in everything," he said. "What if the primary sermon that God needed us to listen to was the screaming kid next to us at church? God is present in that situation and He desires to teach us something about ourselves, others and Him through what we consider a bother or distraction."

Elliott said if parishioners would see the noisy children as invitations to "listen and perceive life in new and deeper ways" they would be more accepting of them in church.

The Rev. Roy Smith at First United Methodist Church in Russellville isn't bothered by fussy children during worship services, either. He started off his ministerial career serving a three-point circuit with children at each church and not one nursery among them.

"So I'm not easily distracted by that," he said.

At his current church, Smith said, children start the worship service in the sanctuary and at a certain point those wishing to go to children's church can leave.

"They can go and be a part of something that reflects the message of the day but is geared to them," he said.

The church has a nursery and also has a couple of spaces available adjacent to the sanctuary where parents with a crying child can go and still hear the service. Smith said they don't call them "cry rooms" because they are used by more than frazzled parents. For some worshippers with hearing aids, it's sometimes easier to listen to the service by watching it via television in one of the rooms.

Smith said he has never had to pause a service for an unruly or crying child.

"People tend to sort of get up and step out," he said. "It seems to work and we still have children in the service and welcome them to stay the whole time. I think there's something valuable about having people of all ages worship together but not to ask children to do more than they can."

The website of Grace Hills Church in Rogers says "We love babies and toddlers, noise and messes and all." The congregation meets at Malco Towne Cinema movie theater and the atmosphere is one children enjoy, said pastor Brandon Cox. Like many other churches, Grace Hills keeps "the noise and messes and all" mostly out of the worship service.

It's not that children aren't welcome in the adult service -- they can stay with their parents if they wish -- but Cox said the lessons and activities in the children's program are designed especially for them.

"We offer children's church so that the message we share can be taught on a level a child can understand by people who can engage personally with them in a way we couldn't in the adult service," Cox said. "And while we offer children's church, we're also very careful to point to parents as the primary spiritual leaders in the lives of their kids. We simply want Sunday to be a helpful supplement to the work moms and dads are doing at home."

The Rev. Marie Mainard O'Connell, pastor at First Presbyterian Church in Little Rock, believes children belong in worship services.

"Children must be in worship," she said. "It is the only way they learn how to worship and as the future of the church we are doing ourselves great harm whenever we encourage children to be 'somewhere else' while the body of the church is worshipping."

How else, she asked, can children learn the art of hymn singing, sermon listening or when to sit, stand or pray?

At First Presbyterian children are expected to join in worship services and even those as young as 3 stay for at least a portion of the service.

"Infants remain in worship for as long as their parents feel comfortable, and of course even well-behaved children make at least a little noise -- whispered questions here, dropped crayons there. In our sanctuary that can feel very loud," O'Connell said. "Yet there is an old saying about babies [and kids] in church, which is terribly true, 'if there's not crying, we're dying.'"

O'Connell said she's grateful the church has a staff nursery available because sometimes even older children might be having a tough day and staying in worship services would be difficult for the whole family.

"Like most of life, there is the ideal and then there is the everyday effort," she said. "Some days everything works well and other days everything feels like it goes wrong. I think the most important part is that we keep trying, every Sunday, to make even the youngest among us feel welcome, faithful and integral to the life of the church. I think God is honored when we try."

She said walking the fine line between "worshipful quiet" and "make a joyful noise" is difficult but worth the effort.

"I'm mindful, though, of parents who need a break from their kids to worship or parents outmanned when it comes to the size of their family and I wish I could encourage more congregants to step into the role of 'church grandparent/auntie,' someone who sits nearby a family to help keep kids engaged, or offers to take someone out when a break is needed," she said. "That's part of living out the baptismal vows we make for the children of the church."

Religion on 09/20/2014

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