The pervasiveness of domestic violence

WEST PALM BEACH, Fla.--"I will never forget the first time I was abused," the on-air testimonial began. "Everything happened so fast, the attack, the police, my family getting involved; it was the worst night of my life. Until the next time it happened, and the next, and every time after that."

The victim in this case, Joy Taylor, a South Florida talk-radio host and sister of former NFL great Jason Taylor, went on to poignantly explain how she was repeatedly abused before finally leaving the relationship.

"It is very easy to judge someone who stays in an abusive relationship, especially if you've never been in one," Taylor said. But there are a lot of women who've "been in one."

According to the U.S. Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, one in four women will experience domestic violence in their lifetimes. Women ages 18 to 24 are at greatest risk of becoming victims of domestic violence.

As Taylor testified on-air Sept. 9, leaving is difficult. Advocates who work with domestic-abuse victims say a woman will leave and return to an abuser as many as seven times before finally walking away.

"The range of emotions that a victim goes through is wild, conflicting," Jennifer Rey, local program services director at Aid to Victims of Domestic Abuse, said. "People have to get past this question of 'Why doesn't she just leave?'"

It's that societal attitude that had many people blaming Janay Palmer for staying with former Baltimore Ravens running back Ray Rice after their physical altercation on a hotel elevator in February. She even married him, and appeared with him on stage during his mea culpa once a video of him dragging her limp body off the elevator became public.

Those questions got louder after another, more disturbing video was released, this one of him punching her out on the elevator. It's that video that has caused some collective hand-wringing by NFL owners, and public calls for league Commissioner Roger Goodell to either step down or be fired over questions about how seriously the NFL takes the issue.

But perhaps the best recognition of the Rice incident's impact has been trending Twitter hashtags WhyIStayed and WhyILeft. They've been used in posts no less than 150,000 times since Sept. 9. Among the comments:

--He made me feel obligated to put my unhappiness second to his happiness. He manipulated my kindness to suit his needs.

--He threatened to get my daughter taken away, he stalked me & I was afraid to save myself & my daughter.

--I didn't want to be alone again.

Rey knows these stories all too well. Seventy-five percent of women in abusive relationships are either planning to leave, in the process of leaving or have left. "But it's tough, because this is all about control," she said. "The batterer doesn't want to lose that control, so they will do whatever they can to keep her from leaving; beg forgiveness, threaten her, cut off access to money.

"We've had women move from state to state to state," she added, "because once the batterer loses that control, the consequences become dire."

Rey has done multiple media interviews recently, which gives her a chance to highlight the fact that Domestic Violence Awareness Month begins Oct. 1. But she added that the issue should be discussed year-round. "We need for the media to not only write about this when there's a high-profile incident," she said.

The Rice case, because he was eventually terminated by the Ravens and suspended indefinitely by the NFL, gives Rey a chance to focus on what she calls "batterer accountability."

Typically, she said, the focus on the victim and "what's wrong with her. But why does he get to keep his life?"

Editorial on 09/21/2014

Upcoming Events