News item: "Excess military weapons, hardware and vehicles are being transferred to law enforcement departments at America's schools, colleges and universities. Grenade launchers, armored vehicles known as MRAPs, and hundreds of military assault rifles are already in the hands of school police officers, reported the Washington Post, which reviewed transfers in 33 states. In Florida, the Pinellas County Schools Police Department received 22 M16 rifles from the military while the University of Central Florida received a grenade launcher, which was converted to fire tear gas canisters. This is part of the 1033 Program, an ongoing federal effort that already has transferred $5.1 billion in military equipment to law enforcement agencies in America since 1997. Until the recent report, it wasn't widely known that schools in the U.S. have also have been receiving military weaponry."
Dear Teachers, Students and Parents:
Some of you may have noticed that new vehicle in our parking lot. The good news is, we got our first MRAP! Go Fightin' Bearcats! The bad news is, it's a little bigger than we imagined. So we're going to lose some of our visitor parking. Sorry, parents.
I realize this might be a small inconvenience, but imagine how cool it will be when we roll our very own Mine Resistant Ambush Protected vehicle onto the gridiron next Friday night when our football gladiators take the field against our division rivals, the Ragin' Wildebeests.
Those poor Wildebeest boys are going to be standing there in their night-vision goggles with their mouths agape.
And yes, we're working on getting some Army surplus night-vision goggles, too. I confess, we were so focused on procuring the MRAP, the drone and a slew of assault weapons that we completely forgot to ask for the night-vision goggles.
Speaking of our drone, have you noticed the new photo on the homepage of our website? That breathtaking aerial view of our school was taken by our very own drone.
We've gotten lots of comments about it.
Meanwhile, in other drone news, let me remind you that if you try to smoke behind the gymnasium, you will get caught. If the military could find some jihadi driving in the middle of the Somali desert, we can surely find a teenager sparking up between classes.
Looking ahead, next week starts the tryouts for My Fair Lady, which will be our annual musical.
On a final note, if you find anything on campus that may be of value, please turn it in to our lost-and-found room in Building 2. That means cellphones, purses, wallets, dental retainers, earrings, watches or any other item that somebody else might very much like to get back. Say, for example, our school's only grenade launcher.
Officer Thor tells me that the grenade launcher has been missing since Monday. If you think you may have seen it somewhere on campus, or have some idea of where it might be, please let somebody know. No questions asked. We need the grenade launcher back right away.
It's a key element in the halftime show for the Wildebeest game.
Editorial on 09/23/2014