Passing up my chance for stardom

I blew my chance for 15 minutes of fame.

Out of the blue, I got an email from a woman named Caesar, who said she was with The Steve Harvey Show. He’s a comedian, an actor, an author and the host of Family Feud, in case you don’t know who he is.

This woman told me she had found a column online that I’d written about my husband’s driving making me crazy. She wrote that she found it “pretty amusing.” She wondered if that was still a problem, and could we come on air to “possibly let Steve help!”

I told my husband, and he laughed and said, “Help us with what?”

I wasn’t sure what that meant, either.

Maybe Steve Harvey was going to put us in a Driver’s Ed car and take us around the studio parking lot. I had no idea where the show was filmed — and I’ve never watched it, since I’m not home during the day — and I found out it was Chicago. I’ve always wanted to go to Chicago. Steve Harvey seems like a nice guy.

I started imagining being on national TV, and I got splotched and nervous, just sitting at my desk by myself.

I’d always pictured myself on Oprah, to be honest, but this might be my big chance.

What if I embarrassed myself? That was highly likely. I have no filter, and nervousness completely obliterates what little restraint I do have.

I emailed her back and said it sounded like fun, but I wasn’t sure about it.

She replied that she could “totally work around my schedule.”

Then she asked if we could chat about it by phone.

I said OK, feeling like I was letting this crazy idea get a little out of control.

Caesar has a great personality and is persuasive, so I see why Steve hired her.

The segment is going to be, “I love my man, but …”

“It’s a fun segment — very lighthearted. It’s silly, an excuse for Steve to be funny,” she said.

First, she asked me to name three things about my husband’s driving that really makes me crazy.

I said, “He stops too close to people at stoplights. He gets right on their rear ends.” I said he doesn’t pay attention and drifts off the road; and thirdly, he seems to have no depth perception, which scares me.

Not to mention that he is a stereotypical male when it comes to refusing to ask for directions.

She asked whether I insisted on driving everywhere (no, I hate to drive on trips) and whether I hang on to the handle in the car because he scares me (no, I’m the one who drives too fast).

“He’s a wonderful guy, so I hate to come on national TV and talk about his driving,” I said.

That’s the point, she said: “I love my man, but he’s a terrible driver.”

I told her that although his driving annoys me at times, I am a worse driver in many ways.

She suggested that we Skype that night to see the back-and-forth banter between my husband and me. She also wanted a photo of us, to make sure we weren’t hideous or toothless,

I guess.

It would mean a free trip to Chicago — airfare, hotel and a car with a driver.

Even though I was tempted, my husband and I talked it over. It seemed like I’d have to exaggerate, and it felt disingenuous.

We decided to decline, but I sent a picture of us with my email telling her that.

She said we were a good-looking couple (what is she gonna say — that we’d have to wear paper bags on the show?) and thanked me for responding.

The woman said if we had friends or family members with lighthearted issues to send them her way.

Come to think of it, I have always wanted to be on Family Feud.

Senior writer Tammy Keith can be reached at (501) 327-0370 or tkeith@arkansasonline.com.

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