I turned 52 a couple of weeks ago and as many people do on their birthdays, I reflected on my life. There seems to be something about adding a number that makes people evaluate all they've accomplished.
And then they wonder if it's enough.
The concept of a "bucket list" really took hold after the film of the same name came out in 2007. It stars Jack Nicholson and Morgan Freeman as two terminally ill men who go on a road trip with a list of things they want to do before they "kicked the bucket." Hence the term bucket list.
I don't have such a list, but I'm sure many folks do. I asked co-workers if they have a list, and one told me she sort of has one. But hers, she said, is more about doing things to make a difference in the world or to help others. She'll leave climbing Mount Everest, hiking the Appalachian Trail or sky diving to the more adventurous.
I like her idea.
I found an article on the website of Psychology Today written by Dr. Christopher Peterson titled "Bucket Lists and Positive Psychology." Peterson says that a bucket list is often an attempt to make life memorable. Bucket lists that are accomplished will set memories in place that can be treasured as we age.
Making a bucket list can also be meaningful, but many Peterson said he has read contain things that are mostly narcissistic.
Lists that are not mainly self-centered aim to connect people to something bigger than themselves, typically other people and their welfare.
Peterson describes his reaction to people who speak endlessly about single events in their lives. While he enjoys hearing about their adventures, he wants to be convinced that items on someone's bucket list are more than "look-at-how-cool-I-am" badges.
He wonders how many items on a typical bucket list would be deleted if people were not allowed to talk about them.
A bucket list should be about living, not dying. Peterson thinks that most people don't create a list with their imminent death in mind. But if you knew with certainty that you would die tomorrow, what would you do today? Would you strive for achievement or try for some deep meaning? What if you were bound to fail? Would one or the other sort of goal convey more of a sense that you haven't wasted your life?
IT DEPENDS
For insight, I called the University of Arkansas for Medical Sciences and was put in touch with Karen Myler, a licensed professional counselor in the Walker Family Clinic at the Psychiatric Research Institute.
First I asked about the benefits or downfalls of having a bucket list, from a psychological standpoint.
Myler says that as far as benefits, she believes that for some people such lists do make their lives feel meaningful. Setting goals can motivate a person to accomplish things, which in turn can increase self-esteem and give people a positive outlook.
If someone is depressed or having a hard time, fulfilling an item on the bucket list can instill positive emotions and provide hope. And it can challenge us to keep trying new things.
On the other side of the coin, if the things on your bucket list are not attainable goals, listing them could lead to frustration, depression and stress. And in turn that could distract us from important things such as our families or jobs.
Myler believes that how individuals look at life determines whether making a bucket list is a positive thing or a recipe for disappointment.
If we tend to have a positive attitude about life and effective coping strategies for handling failure, then a list shouldn't lead to disappointment. But if our only goal is to check off boxes on a list, and we don't have good coping skills, it could cause emotional and even physical problems if we fail.
As for those who like their "look-how-cool-I-am moments," Myler says, for many of these people, it is important what others think of them. Accomplishing a list of goals can be a competition, a way to show superiority.
A bucket list can be used to find exhilarating memories but not always meaningful ones. Including others on our list can increase the "meaningful" quotient. Going on a mission trip to Africa to help others would be meaningful. Flying in a hot air balloon would probably be exhilarating, but how meaningful would it be?
What if we took along a friend to share that exhilaration?
AIM HIGHER
So what guidelines should we use for choosing our bucket list items? Myler offers these suggestions:
• Choose mostly attainable goals.
• Choose items that are not so easy you accomplish the whole list early in life. Often the list will change because as we age different things become important to us. Be willing to change goals or cross them off to suit our needs.
• Choose goals that challenge us to improve ourselves.
• Start small to give a feeling of accomplishment and then increase the goals as you go along.
• Choose goals that would make us happy and help us have fun.
So what are some ideas for our bucket list that won't cause undue physical or financial stress? The website Lifed.com gave me a few ideas.
• Help a random stranger in distress -- as long as you feel safe.
• Finally solve a Rubik's cube.
• Learn a new vocabulary word every day.
• Become a collector of something that fascinates you.
• Learn to speak another language, maybe sign language.
• Learn to make a dish and become known for it.
• Get passionate about a cause.
• Learn CPR.
• Become financially literate.
You get the picture.
It really may be time for me to sit down and put some thought in to this. I guess the first thing on my list would need to be "Finish your bucket list."
Share with me at:
rboggs@arkansasonline.com
ActiveStyle on 04/06/2015