I used to think I'd like to be a teenager again.
Four words changed all that.
Crop. Top. Prom. Dresses.
"Two-piece dresses are all the rage this season!" enthuses Seventeen.com in an online fashion spread of dresses that aren't even dresses, but rather skirts and tops. One look is a short beaded top reminiscent of a sports bra and tulle skirt by Terani for $416 (that much when there's a big piece missing?); or, there's a more revealing and more expensive two-piece embroidered top and long skirt for $458 from Envious Prom (and, why, yes, I am envious).
Prom has changed a lot since my high school days, the John Hughes era of poufy hair and even poufier dresses -- back when guys just passed you a note in class asking you to go ("Check yes or no"), instead of orchestrating elaborate flash mob and video proposals.
Admittedly, most crop top gowns I've seen are strangely tasteful. Well, except that one Scheana wore to a wedding on Vanderpump Rules -- her own wedding! We quote her frenemy, snarky Stassi: "It's like a skanky girl's quinceanera!"
Revealing only a hint of midriff between a full-coverage top and full-length skirt, crop top dresses can be a somewhat classy, even conservative alternative to low-cut and super-short gowns that reveal breasts, backside or -- blush -- both.
Still, I could never have pulled off the exposed abdomen look, even as a cheerleader -- hey, someone had to be the bigger girl on the bottom of the pyramid -- at 17.
And even if I could pull it off, there's no way I could persuade my parents to let me wear it, let alone blow so much money on a gown (and then jewelry, makeup, shoes, tickets, a limo, dinner and photos). Make the gown myself? Yeah, right. Remember how not pretty Molly Ringwald's misshapen home-sewn gown turned out in John Hughes' Pretty in Pink? Earn the money myself? Yeah, right. Minimum wage was $4.25 when I worked after school at the mall Italian bakery (How do you think I got to be the bigger girl on the bottom of the pyramid?).
And not all modern high school girls can get away with wearing them due to modest school dress codes.
The North Little Rock School District Parent-Student Handbook on nlrsd.org, specifies: "Students are prohibited from wearing, while on the grounds of a public school during the regular school day and at school sponsored activities and events ... shirts or blouses tied at the midriff, clothing with bare midriff, or not properly fastened."
But it seems the prom is an exception, according to a 2015 Senior Brochure issued by North Little Rock High that lists seven specific "Prom Attire for Ladies" stipulations, including: "Dresses should be no shorter than the length of a dollar bill held vertically from the top of the knee to the bottom of the hem." See? Specific. There are regulations on everything from slits, to strapless, to open-back, to see-through material, to cutouts.
As for crop tops, the rule is get a ruler and button up that belly button: "Two-piece dresses are permitted if they meet the following guidelines: No belly buttons may be visible; no more than 2 inches between the bottom of the top and the top of the bottom."
Meanwhile, the gentlemen are given only one fashion guideline not to breach and it's about their breeches: Jeans, shorts and sagging are not allowed."
Be the cream of the crop, email:
jchristman@arkansasonline.com
What's in a Dame is a weekly report from the woman 'hood.
Style on 04/07/2015