Faith Matters

Don't let beliefs cloud communication with loved ones

I believe that our loved ones can communicate with us after they die -- if we're open to it.

I'd like to share an experience I had two years after my mother died. I was not able to be with her at her death, and that plagued me. She was very accepting of her own impending death, and actually looked forward to being with those she loved on the other side. But her peacefulness did not seem to give me any peace.

I had dreams about her after she died. In the dreams, she looked frail and weak, and I would see her as the "skin and bones" she was during her last days on Earth. In the dreams, as in life, I felt helpless to do anything to make things better.

I grieved deeply for more than two years. I loved my mother, and I missed her. One day, after another sobbing spell of grief, I cried out loud to her: "Mom, I miss you, and this grief hurts so much. Please show me a way to stop the pain." I sat there and listened, and nothing happened. But, then I got this idea that, if I learned a song she had asked me to learn a year or so before she died, I would feel better. My mother used to send me recorded letters on cassette tape, and she sometimes sent me music on tape as well. So I found the tape with this song on it, and put it in my cassette player. To my amazement, her voice came out of the player saying, "Darling, I'm so sorry I can't be with you, but Lyle and I are here together and everything is wonderful." Lyle had died two months before my mother. She went on to tell me that she loved me and that she was proud of me.

I started crying again, only this time it was out of joy. It truly felt like a message from the other side, and it was so comforting. From then on, she was young and vivacious in my dreams about her, and I never mourned again.

I have been asking other people if they have had similar experiences, and I am amazed at the number of stories. In fact, people seem eager to tell these stories to someone who is really interested. I think we normally don't talk about such things because we are afraid people will think we are crazy.

Loved ones who have crossed over can communicate with us in several ways. Sometimes it's through dreams or through a suggestion in our heads that seems to come out of nowhere -- such as in the case of my mother. Other times, it can be through synchronicities or messages from friends or family. The messages are always the same. They want us to know they are fine and we are loved. If we are feeling guilty about anything, they tell us there is nothing to forgive -- all is well.

I have permission to share a few stories friends shared with me. This first one is a wonderful example of receiving a message through another friend.

"My friend and violin teacher colleague, Stephanie, was killed in a car crash at the age of 33. I was crying into the dishwater, missing Stephanie, and saying that I wasn't any good at violin teaching and that I should just give it up, when the phone rang. The voice on the other end said, 'Stephanie told me to call you. Are you as good as Stephanie at teaching violin?' I said, 'No one is as good as Stephanie.' (The voice) said she had asked Stephanie -- while Stephanie still lived -- to teach a violin workshop in The Hague. Stephanie said she wasn't free, but put my name forth as a possible candidate. I had a wonderful time teaching in The Hague, and it was a healing time for me."

Music often seems to be a way our loved ones communicate with us as they remind us that our connection with them is still strong. This next story is a wonderful example of the right song showing up at the right time.

"After my dad died, we moved Mom into assisted living, and my brother renovated the family home. Mom wanted to see the construction in progress. We wheeled her through the house while she noted the changes. It was too heartbreaking just to wheel her back to lunch at the senior home, so we stopped at a restaurant halfway there. When we wheeled Mom into the restaurant, the music that was playing was 'Fascinating Rhythm,' the tune my dad used to sing as he danced with our dog every evening when he came home from work."

Sometimes the communication is just a warm feeling of the loved one's presence, but we have to be willing and open to this connection. One's beliefs can get in the way of a truly wonderful spiritual experience, as in this story.

"My father transcended during my divorce in 1998. I was not receptive at first to the communication after the passing because, at the time, my belief system was such that we were taught the dead are dead. So afterlife was unacceptable, and any communication meant something dark or evil. Right after his passing, I really felt him in my room as I was crying. I didn't allow myself to accept him around even though I felt him!"

In this case, her father came through later in life after she became more open to spiritual experiences. She woke up one night with the song, "For You Are Beautiful, and I Have Loved You Dearly," playing loudly in her head. Her father always sang this song, and she knew it was him.

I don't know the theology from any religious tradition about these kinds of messages. I do know these experiences bring comfort, and they deepen the faith of the living.

Judi Neal is the chairman and chief executive officer of Edgewalkers International, a consulting firm focusing on workplace spirituality. She is the former director of Tyson Center for Faith and Spirituality in the Workplace at the University of Arkansas. She is the author of four books, including Edgewalkers (Praeger, 2006) and Creating Enlightened Organizations (Palgrave Macmillan, 2013). She can be reached at judi@edgewalkers.org.

NAN Religion on 08/01/2015

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