'Beauty' of Teenage Girls Shines During Retreat

A sleepover with a fashion show, makeup hacks and plenty of "swag" sounds like a night out with the Mean Girls.

On the contrary, the local organizers and sponsors of the eighth Northwest Arkansas Beautiful Girls Retreat next Friday and Saturday hope to mold the opposite.

The teaching conference, an interdenominational and community project, aims to build all girls' self-esteem, character and identity and to inspire young women and their leaders to the heart of Christ, said Elizabeth Bramel of Rogers, who with husband Phillip is co-founder and co-director of the retreat. Moms are invited, too.

This year's theme, "True Beauty," grows from Scripture.

You should clothe yourselves instead with the beauty that comes from within, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is so precious to God.

-- 1 Peter 3:4

"When we think about beauty, we think about framed works by Rembrandt and Picasso," said Erin Davis, author, blogger and one of three keynote speakers at the retreat. "But true beauty is so much more. It's a gentle and quiet spirit, caring for others and living your life to God's calling."

"Beauty is not about physical adornments but an internal component," Bramel said. "A gentle spirit shows true love with selflessness by her actions. A quiet spirit rests in the truth of God, looking to him for wisdom and direction. It's being at peace, with no questions about who's in control. It's listening and knowing how to listen."

Age-Old and New Age

Young girls today are bombarded with cultural signals from movies, music and Hollywood, Bramel said. "... Even the Barbie doll. Girls are looking at her and saying, 'Do I look like that?'

"They get wrong signals about beauty," she continued. "The girls watched Miley Cyrus as she went from Disney to train wreck. They don't know who to trust."

"So much of what I see young girls struggle with is mistaken identity," Davis said. "Who are they? Where do they belong? We should raise young women up to do great things."

Davis listed some of the issues today facing teenage girls: eating disorders; strained relationships with boys, parents and others; and more.

"I see a great deal of anxiety that leads to clinical-level depression," Davis continued. "Girls aren't sure where they sit.

"Yes, these are the same old problems that go through every generation, but technology brings it to them in a heightened way," she said, sharing statistics that show girls spend seven and a half hours a day on technology outside of the classroom.

Even the most privileged teens need consistency in their lives. Many fathers leave the family for a time when a job assignment changes. And Northwest Arkansas records a high divorce rate, Bramel added. "Girls are missing their fathers as they move on to new families. There are issues of trust, objectivity, abandonment. And some of the girls don't know their fathers.

"We need to prepare their hearts for healthy family relationships," Bramel explained. "We can help them define and develop individual character in a family circle and extend grace, kindness and gentleness -- rather than being driven by rejection and abandonment. Family and marriage have been redefined.

"The world is changing so suddenly," Bramel continued. "There's a certain unstableness, but we can be human in Christ."

College students, in particular, grow anxious from reports on the economy, worrying about getting jobs and providing for themselves, she said.

"The world can be frightening place," she concluded. "I didn't see teenagers beheaded when I was young."

Get Real

Bramel spoke passionately about her call to "pour into these young women. Pour into them the biblical truth and walk with them through the disappointments life has -- to be there as the kids grow up."

The values highlighted next weekend are taught out of a biblical culture, with chaperones and speakers illustrating why girls should base their identity on the cultural values of God, Bramel said.

"Biblical guidance is timeless," Davis said. "It's a bedrock in our lives."

"Young, wise women face their own challenges to be real people," Bramel said. "We look for biblical answers when girls struggle."

In addition to Davis, Clayton Jennings, who inspires through his ministries, YouTube videos and poetry, joins the roster of keynote speakers, along with Springdale's Michelle Duggar, known across the country for "19 Kids and Counting," the TLC cable show featuring her family.

Duggar will offer special encouragement for mothers of these young girls. "She has a heart for teaching on raising daughters to live in real beauty, to equip and encourage moms," Bramel said. "Moms can get just as much out of (the conference) as their daughters can, but I'm not sure they know that. Mothers are vital in raising daughters in Christ."

Eight local speakers will lead age-appropriate breakout sessions on topics such as dealing with emotions, serving others, starting a business and facing fear. The speakers include pastors, artists and a cancer patient.

After the workshops conclude Friday evening, the girls will head back to their hotel rooms with their carefully chosen chaperones, for "Bible Study in a Bag." This allows a more intimate setting for discussions on trust and defining what a gentle and quiet spirit is, Bramel said.

Aly Howard, a University of Arkansas student who coordinated this year's fashion show, attended the conference as a teen. She found the most impact from this teaching time with friends. "And I didn't expect that," she said. "You talk about things you would not normally talk about in a sleepover because you're forced to. But then you're reinspired and reconnect with God.

"It's a great time to get away from life's worries."

The talk might lead to bullying and its injuries, Bramel suggested. Chaperones might help girls set healthy boundaries and whether to continue the relationship.

"And most importantly, how to react to others through their faith in God," Bramel said. "And graciousness in life -- giving what is not due to the other person. Extending kindness and love, extending goodness, compassion, peace and blessing. Do not give evil to evil. Graciousness is a buzz word God gave us."

Servant Leadership

"This is not a fluffy retreat," Bramlett insisted. "It's very intentional."

Participants will make beaded bracelets for girls recovering from human trafficking in Cambodia, and crayon products will be collected for children in African villages.

Jennifer Holmes-Smith of Pea Ridge also is an alumna of the Beautiful Girls conference. She currently works in Tanzania, using her University of Arkansas civil engineering degree to survey the drinking water needs of the village. She also lives with a missionary family, supports their work and ministers to their daughter.

"Beauty is not being marginal," Bramlett said. "It's doing things in life."

Holmes-Smith pointed out that the conference isn't a blessing to just the girls who attend. Many other young women help in the planning and execution, serving as chaperones, modeling for the fashion show and sharing their musical talents.

Many continue to lead discipleship groups in their homes throughout Northwest Arkansas, guiding young girls in "how to pray, worship and find quiet time; how to lead others, share their faith and prepare testimony to use in public to tell them who Christ is," Bramel said. The groups also serve missions with local organizations.

"It's not only letting the young women know they are loved, but they can be part of the ministry and pour into one another," Holmes-Smith said. "I'm thankful for that open door that was given to me."

Bod vs. Mod

The annual fashion show features formal wear and even wedding dresses, provided by area shops and modeled by local college students -- and it focuses on modesty.

"You can still be modest and fit your theme or vision," Howard said. "You can be modest while you follow the trends."

Modesty includes choosing outfits that are timeless and classic, she said. Modest girls also know to dress for the occasion.

"I only wear leggings or sweatpants when I'm at home," she said. "When you go out, that's when what you wear is of greater importance."

"We want the girls to look their best. We want that for girls," Bramel said. "But some hide in their clothing. Others skip lunch at school and eat things that are not healthy and addictive in our busy, on-the-go lives."

A caricature artist will create a drawing of Davis, with that distorted look at her body's features. "We'll use this as a teaching tool," Bramel said. "Girls often focus and magnify on the things they don't like about themselves."

During Saturday morning's breakfast, the student leaders will talk about their own greatest beauty struggles.

Holmes-Smith said she struggled with finding the right balance between what society says about beauty -- makeup, hair and clothes -- and what she knew about inner beauty. At 19, Holmes-Smith feels as if she growing out of that age of struggle. "I know enough to know I don't know," she said with a laugh.

"There are so many different areas where your identity stands," Holmes-Smith said. "You question your purpose and direction, wondering if they are worthy of love and affection."

Bramel said a survey of these leaders found jealousy and comparing themselves to others also seem to be struggles.

"And anxiety," she shared. "Several said, 'Anxiety is what's most unattractive about me. It holds me captive.' But there are biblical ways to overcome this."

Among the few men at the conference, area pastors will greet guests at the door, carry their luggage and present them with roses. "They will be blessing young women and serving them," Bramlett said. "Girls need to meet godly men."

And a panel of teenage boys will share their opinions of modesty in the form of TLC's "What Not to Wear" fashion program.

The models in the fashion show all are members of the discipleship group Howard leads. "They're not perfect, but they're centered on God," Howard said. "All humans struggle and fall, but they are striving for it and work at it daily."

"Young girls think brand labels define beauty," Bramel said. "We need to teach them be creative in presenting themselves.

"Outer beauty is fine, but inside is where the beauty comes from -- from the way you treat others, to what you do in life and what you're behind. Your heart, your love, your care."

NAN Religion on 02/28/2015