I have a personal assistant, and she’s on thin ice.
Her name is Siri, and she lives in my iPhone.
I just discovered Siri a few months ago. Oh, I knew she existed. I’d read and heard lots about her, but I didn’t use her for months after I got my iPhone.
Siri is basically voice control that talks back to you, that understands relationships and context, according to Apple. The website says you can ask Siri questions, or ask Siri to do things for you, just like you would ask a real assistant, and “Siri will help keep you connected, informed, in the right place and on time.”
Well, I have a love-hate relationship with her. I don’t text and drive (after that one time I was texting and I left the road, went up a curb and partially into someone’s front yard while doing it), so I started using Siri to make phone calls for me.
“Call David,” I say. Siri says, “Calling David.” I was so excited when I discovered that feature that I use it all the time, even when I’m not driving.
Once in a while, though, I guess she can’t understand my Southern accent. She comes up with weird responses, and I find myself yelling at my phone.
The other day, I was leaving work late, and I was tired, so I wanted to call in an order at a restaurant to pick up on the way home.
I said, “Call Taziki’s.”
Siri said, “I don’t show a Zieke’s in your contacts. Should I look for locations with that name?”
I started out patiently, and I hit the button again. She asked: “What can I help you with?”
“Call Taziki’s,” I said, trying to enunciate. Siri: “I’m sorry, I don’t show a Zieke’s in your contacts. Should I look for locations by that name?”
So, I yelled, “TUH-ziki’s, TUH-ziki’s” at her.
“I didn’t quite get that,” she said.
“Argh, never mind!” I told her, and I asked for another restaurant that she couldn’t find, either, and I argued with her, “It’s there! I go there all the time!”
Finally, I just asked her to call The Kitchen Store and More, which she understood, and I shopped over the phone and went home and ate leftovers.
I have a co-worker who said her husband laughs at her when she tries to use Siri because she speaks in a ro-bo-tic voice.
Siri is a real person, who didn’t reveal herself for a long time. Her name is Susan Bennett of Atlanta, Georgia. Here’s an interesting tidbit: I read in a CNN article that after college at Brown University, Bennett was a backup singer for Burt Bacharach and Roy Orbison. (If you ask Siri who those men are, she will find Wikipedia entries for you.)
I got the bright idea to ask: “Who is Susan Bennett of Atlanta, Georgia?” She said: “Hmm, let me think. OK, I found this on the web.” There were several entries, including articles about her being the voice of Siri.
So, I asked: “Are you Susan Bennett?” She said, “I’m sorry. I’m afraid I can’t answer that.”
If you push the button and don’t ask your question quickly enough, she gives you a list of what you can ask or tell her to do:
“Where’s my sister?” I don’t have a sister.
“Bing Norah Jones.” I don’t Bing. At least, I don’t think I do.
“Open Facebook.” I don’t have a Facebook page.
“What time is it in Berlin?” Uh, don’t care.
“Will it be hot today?” I think I know the answer to that.
“Put it in airplane mode.” I’m sitting at my desk.
Speaking of my desk, I got a great idea. She is a personal assistant, after all.
I said, “Siri, would you clean my desk?”
She said, “Who, me?” in an incredulous voice.
“I said, “Yes!”
She didn’t respond. That’s it. She’s fired.
Senior writer Tammy Keith can be reached at (501) 327-0370 or tkeith@arkansasonline.com.