Altering habits is difficult because "it creates a disruption in every area of life," says Elisabeth Sherwin, professor of psychology at the University of Arkansas at Little Rock.
Say you want to overhaul your eating habits, so you throw out all the junk food. "If you're in a family, you've now disrupted every other member of that family, and they're not going to take kindly to it," Sherwin says.
"The truth is that change is incredibly scary, and that's the part that we don't admit," she adds. "We see change as a wonderful thing, but we forget that the way things are are that way for a reason: because they work for us, or because they're the least effort or because we've been socialized that way or because we've been pressured that way."
To stand up and announce a change is not just a matter of personal desire, but also a matter of dealing with others' reactions, she notes.
And sometimes people feel it's safer to hold on to hope of an idealized future -- how nice life will be once a change has been made -- "than to face the reality that this is not what's going to bring us a perfect life," Sherwin says.
"You're used to blaming things on being fat. Then you lose the weight: then what?" Sherwin says. "If you make that change and discover your life isn't perfect, that is pretty scary."
Ripple effects from the people around us and our fears often undermine us until we give up on change, Sherwin says.
"Any time someone changes there's a ripple because it's forcing someone else to change, or you're changing the group dynamics because it alters what your role is," Sherwin says.
"We tend to think of ourselves as islands," she says, but we're not. "If we recognize that what we do influences somebody, then you have to respect that they'll respond."
"People often don't appreciate how brave you have to be to change," she adds.
And, Sherwin says, resolution-makers should prepare for the eventuality of failure and be ready to think about "next time."
"You have to be able to forgive yourself," she says. "A lot of us expect of ourselves certain things, realistic or not, and you have to accept we are fallible, and it's better to forgive ourselves and say, 'Next time, I'll do better.'"
-- Katie Doherty
ActiveStyle on 01/19/2015