I am middle-aged and about to be married for the second time. The problem? My future husband and I both have modest-size houses and have just the right amount of things in them. We can't afford to buy a house any bigger than the ones we each currently own, and even if we could, we don't want or need any more square footage. How do we merge our lives -- and the contents of our two homes -- as fairly and as painlessly as possible?
"Like everything else in any successful partnership the key is to communicate, communicate, communicate," says Becca Clark, professional organizer and owner of Your Best Move and Creative Convenience (convenientlyorganized.com) who offers some tips for a happy home merger:
Make a list
"Each of you should write down your absolute must-haves for a new home, whether it will be one of the existing houses or a new space," Clark says. She suggests beginning with the larger items -- bed, sofas, armoires -- and working down to decorative accessories, clothes and treasured mementos.
Measure and plan
Measure the key areas such as wall space in the living room, cabinet space in the kitchen and baths, and especially the closet space, she advises. "If possible, draw up a floor plan to help you visualize how much space is really available," she says. Online tools such as Homestyler.com, which is fairly easy and free, can make this task easier.
Begin negotiating
During this time, it's important to face reality and admit to any fears. The truth is that downsizing is difficult for almost everyone and exhausting amounts of compromising will need to take place.
"Don't fight over minor things or heirlooms, and resist the urge to control everything," Clark says.
Embrace the new beginning
"Consider this a chance to 'do-over' and keep only the best items that improve your lives, and make a conscious decision to simplify," she says, noting that there is a growing national movement toward minimalism, trading in expensive, time-consuming stuff for more quality time with people
and experiences for a simpler, more meaningful life together.
Be respectful
Understand that your way is not the only way, Clark says. Remember that everyone has their own level of sentimentality, comfort zones and visual preferences about their things, and being forced into an unnatural situation is seriously disconcerting.
Start slowly
"Begin by focusing on neutral belongings, not a beloved T-shirt or vinyl [record] collection, but less sentimental things like kitchen tools, papers and gardening implements," Clark says.
Start by ditching the duplicates, choosing the sharpest knives, newest appliances, softest sheets, more useful tools to keep, she advises.
Don't rush through it
"Rent a temporary storage unit for the things that you just cannot decide about yet," Clark says. "
You might need to take a breather while you live with your current choices for a while."
This takes some of the pressure off to create the perfect space immediately, and if needed, the storage unit could become a more permanent home for rarely used things like holiday decorations, off-season patio items and archived papers if it is worth the financial cost.
Yours and mine
"Unless you are super compatible in your tastes, plan to designate a few places or rooms that you can each totally decorate and organize to your own comfort level," she says, adding that it's a good idea to share the space and put decorative items and memorabilia into a display rotation that can be changed out every few months.
This serves to keep the decor fresh, and allows both partners the chance to enjoy the items that were important to them before they became a couple.
Ours
Many couples who've traveled this path recommend selling both houses and making a mutual purchase that will truly be theirs together.
"Be patient with each other's stuff, listen and genuinely value opinions," Clark says. "Be open-minded about your new home -- it will not be like your last one. Merging tastes with your loved one will produce something new and fresh, so embrace it."
Seek counsel
If the budget allows, consider hiring a professional to serve as a neutral arbiter and help with the downsizing and/or decorating, Clark adds.
"At the end of the day, remember this most of all -- it's just stuff," she says. "People matter more."
-- Linda S. Haymes
Do you have a decorating or remodeling question? Send your question to Linda S. Haymes, Arkansas Democrat-Gazette, P.O. Box 2221, Little Rock, Ark. 72203 or email:
lhaymes@arkansasonline.com
HomeStyle on 07/11/2015