So much for Independence Day.
Several celebrities used the July 4th weekend to get hitched -- for the first or fafillionth time. But these weren't showy, star-spangled celebrations. They were subtle and conducted in secret.
Still, we're comparing: Who wed most fabulously?
BILLY JOEL/ALEXIS RODERICK
At a ceremony at his sprawling Long Island estate, presided over by New York Gov. Andrew Cuomo, singer Billy Joel, 66, married Alexis Roderick, 33. Not to be confused with Joel's daughter, Alexa Ray, 29, though the two are similar in name. Wow, and age.
Joel and Roderick, who are expecting a child -- a girl -- this summer, surprised friends and family who thought they were attending routine Fourth of July festivities.
This is the fourth wedding for Joel, who was previously wed to Elizabeth Weber (1973-1982), Christie Brinkley (1985-1994) and Katie Lee (2004-2010).
When it comes to matrimony, this "Piano Man" is still "Keeping the Faith" even if his marriages don't always last for "The Longest Time."
VANESSA WILLIAMS/JIM SKRIP
Actress/singer Vanessa Williams, 52, married retired accountant Jim Skrip in a small, classy wedding on July 4 that involved a gown with golden sparkle, Fourth of July sparklers and a ride in a Rolls Royce from the St. Stanislaus Roman Catholic Church in Buffalo, N.Y.
The bridesmaids were Vanessa's three daughters, Melanie, Jillian and Sasha.
This is the third marriage for the former Ugly Betty star, who was previously wed to Ramon Hervey II (1987-1997) and Rick Fox (1999-2005).
We're sure this time she decided to "Save the Best for Last."
ASHTON KUTCHER/MILA KUNIS
Social media-savvy actor Ashton Kutcher, 37, might have been the first Twitter user with 1 million followers, but he kept his recent wedding to former co-star Mila Kunis, 31, uncharacteristically quiet.
The marriage was expected -- the couple gave birth to Wyatt Isabelle last year -- but no wedding heads-up was given to the media, still scrambling last week to find out details of the secret ceremony at the aptly selected Secret Garden at Parrish Ranch in Oak Glen, Calif.
This is Kunis' first marriage and Kutcher's second; he was married to Demi Moore from 2005 to 2013.
We're wishing the former That '70s Show stars 70-some years of married bliss.
THE WINNER
So, which of these three couples wed most fabulously?
We just can't decide.
So despicable we will just give the victory to Samantha Finan and Bob Thomas -- British Despicable Me superfans who had a recent Minion-themed wedding that included a Minion wedding cake, Minion confetti, Minion masks and Minion yellow bridesmaids' dresses.
It was truly one in a Minion.
I do ... want you to email:
jchristman@arkansasonline.com
Spin Cycle is a weekly smirk at pop culture.
Style on 07/12/2015